I feel simultaneously stretched thin and compressed.
We've just spent an hour with N's Paediatric Consultant and Community Nurse in our living room, going through the 'document of wishes' that we roughed out a few weeks ago. This session was much more in depth and addressed things like whether we would want N to be ventilated if the reason she wasn't breathing was the progression of her neurological condition rather than an acute chest infection.
Apparently we are now describing her condition as 'Congenital Centronuclear Myopathy and Progressive Cerebellar Syndrome'.
I really don't know what difference that makes, do you? The end result is going to be the same. And currently, I seem to be too small for my skin and I can't be still or move about; and my eyes are burning and my teeth are clenched and I am just horribly, awfully stuck.
I can't get past this, right now. I know I will. I'm going to have to.
But right now, I'm stuck.