We went away for the weekend this weekend and had a lovely time at a house-warming party thrown by some friends. Driving home, everyone in the car asleep except me, I started thinking about everything we have going on and how the most difficult thing for me is acceptance. I got to thinking about Palm Sunday in the context of that - Jesus riding in to Jerusalem on the donkey, knowing what was going to happen to him during the following week. Going from the triumph of his entry to the city as the King of the Jews through the Last Supper and his betrayal in the garden of Gethsemane.
He knew that it was going to happen and he accepted it for what it was and met it as best he could.
I don't think that I'm a Christian; but I do sometimes find myself drawn to the comforting ritual of the church services of my growing up. 'My' church is one of the few in the country that still use the Book of Common Prayer and although I haven't attended for years I am starting to feel that I might want to make a regular habit of it again. Easter is the most important time of the Christian year and you are supposed to go to church then (and at Christmas) even if you don't go at any other time. I suppose that's why I was mulling all this over.
I am not a Christian. I have trouble with some of the most basic concepts of the faith, particularly Paul's attitude towards women. I am not a Christian, but I do admire the Christ that the Bible tells us about. I think that he was a good man, who walked the path that his conscience led him down.
He changed what he could and he accepted what he couldn't. Even though he was afraid of where his path led him, he still followed it. He faced his fears and he went through them and out the other side; and he believed so strongly in what he was doing that he was prepared to die for it. I envy that calmness and I wonder if going back to church and immersing myself in the ritual and the knowledge that millions of people find strength through it, will help me to find it for myself.
I am not a Christian. But the uncertainties we are living with and the fact that recently, a series of dynamic and galvanising women clergy have touched my life one after the other, have made me re-examine whether I could be.