This morning I went for a check up with the psychiatric people, to see how I'm getting on. The general answer is 'much better', because I have finally sorted out a working balance between medication; lots of practical help and support from family, friends and professionals; and a terrifying grip on routine that is most unlike us as a family*.
That's good. It's all good. However, we got to kicking around the fact that as things progress and become more complicated with Nenna, more weights are going to be stacked on the 'heavy' side of the scales.
I really want to find a way to maintain this tentative steady place I am in without actually lacing myself any further past the eyeballs with tranquillisers. In case, you know, there's an unforeseen apocalyptic event that means I can no longer get prescription medication. Or something. It just seems to make sense that although the squeeze on my available headspace can be counteracted with chemicals, if I can get my brain to feel unsqueezed all by itself, that would be a Good Thing.
On the basis of that, I'm going to give 'Mindfulness' a whirl and see if it helps. I've done quite a bit of meditation in the past and found it helpful; but I just can't manage that at the moment. I've found a couple of little podcasts that I am hoping I can focus on for a few minutes each day and we will see how it goes.
Good new that has happened today: Motobility are giving us a grant for a wheelchair friendly vehicle. This will make travel much easier for all of us - no hauling Nenna between the ground and the car seat repetitively and all that stuff. She can just whizz in in her wheelchair have her wheels locked down, then whizz out the other end. And there will be lots of room for the electric wheelchair, the walker and all her other bits and bobs. And maybe room for pants as well if we want to go on holiday. It looks as if we may end up with a minibus-sized vehicle and if we do, we will be selling our beloved camper. So if anyone is interested in a four berth Renault Trafic AS with a woodburner and a composting toilet, please do drop me an email before we pop it on eBay! I will miss it; but with off the road, it means we can go down to one car.
For today, that is all.
* Any comments about how organised you find us generally would be good. Really. And if you could cc them to my mother, that would be absolutely fab.