Sunday, 25 July 2010

gah

Whilst things are, generally, getting better, sometimes I feel desperately sad. We are still struggling with a court case to get a defaulting client to pay us, with all the stress that that involves - this has been going on since March. A friend who lives locally is very down sometimes and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make her better. I am not doing as much work as I would like for Ma, because of all the other things I have on. I feel that the children and B are getting pushed to the bottom of my list of things to find time for.

I don't WANT to have a list that includes time with my family. I want that time to be there regardless of what else is going on. I find that I spend more and more time on the internet when I get like this, which is a vicious circle. I just want all the bits of my life that are in the category of 'things I have to deal with and organise' to fuck off and leave me alone.

B and I are trying to carve out a routine that makes time for laughter and cooking and silly games with the children and stories and trips to the beach. But I find it so hard not to withdraw in to myself.

Gah.

3 comments:

  1. Laughter and cookery time is very important, I think. For me, making lists helps, as does admitting up-front that I won't get everything on that list done TODAY. I try to just prioritise one heinous admin task per session, as it were, so I get that completed feeling without drowning in the Woe Of Organisation.

    Also, maybe something like The Artist's Way, to try to reconnect you to creativity and laughter and whatnot?

    Also the second, finding a bread recipe which doesn't involve kneading has helped. :)

    I read the other day that one of the many things that you don't necessarily associate with depression is procrastination - do you feel better if you are able to just sieze the day, even for ten minutes, and blitz a few things?

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  2. You sound perfectly normal to me - We can't do everything we want and from time to time that gets to us and makes us feel worthless and crap.

    You are a great Mum and paraphrasing Bill and Ted - a most excellent friend - You can't be superwoman - she didn't wear dungarees for starters but you can be you & do as much as you can without letting it affect your health or your family life

    xxxxx

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  3. I'm a bit of a long time lurker, but thought I'd put in my 2 cents worth. I had a lot of the problems that you talk about, as far as feeling depressed and all that hormone malarky. For a while now, I've been getting acupuncture treatments for those problems and it's been much better. It's just a suggestion. I'm glad you're posting more, I missed reading.

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