Monday, 26 July 2010

time

The loneliest thing I have ever seen was a four poster bed at Dunster Castle. It was draped with rich brocade, in a beautiful, enormous room with a fantastic view. And the mattress was dipped in two body-shaped dips each side of the bed with a large ridge in the middle, where two people had slept for a lifetime, side-by-side but not touching, whilst the imprint of their bodies had carved a barrier between them that was impossible to smooth over by simply turning the mattress.

How does that happen?

How do people go on, from day to day, walking in the footsteps that they trod the day before, lying in isolation that has become habitual; and not become hollow inside in the same way that the dips in the bed become hollowed out?

How do you stop that happening? How do you make time to not be so tired that all you can do is follow the cart-tracks?

Sunday, 25 July 2010

gah

Whilst things are, generally, getting better, sometimes I feel desperately sad. We are still struggling with a court case to get a defaulting client to pay us, with all the stress that that involves - this has been going on since March. A friend who lives locally is very down sometimes and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make her better. I am not doing as much work as I would like for Ma, because of all the other things I have on. I feel that the children and B are getting pushed to the bottom of my list of things to find time for.

I don't WANT to have a list that includes time with my family. I want that time to be there regardless of what else is going on. I find that I spend more and more time on the internet when I get like this, which is a vicious circle. I just want all the bits of my life that are in the category of 'things I have to deal with and organise' to fuck off and leave me alone.

B and I are trying to carve out a routine that makes time for laughter and cooking and silly games with the children and stories and trips to the beach. But I find it so hard not to withdraw in to myself.

Gah.

Wednesday, 14 July 2010

living is easy

Or at least, it should be. A friend of mine has added a suggestion to the new UK Government's 'Your Freedom' suggestions site regarding the right to live in a temporary dwelling on your own land.

I wholeheartedly support it - done properly it WON'T open the door to property developers. If you feel able, commenting on the article will keep it on the front page of the site and in the public eye.

Wednesday, 7 July 2010

rape

My dear friend has just blogged about her experience of rape. It is an extremely courageous and wonderful thing to have done and I am incredibly proud of her. If you would like to share it, click here.

If you are looking for resources and support for a rape survivor, these may help, too.

Today, that is all.