Wednesday, 17 February 2010


B took Nenna for a hearing test today. She has a very slight problem with the highest of frequencies - but apart from that, is fine. All our worries about having a hearing-impaired child have evaporated - it is an enormous relief. Apparently she has a 'dullness' behind the eardrums that mean that there might be fluid present - but that is something that is easy to fix with gromits if necessary - often children grow out of it on their own.

This has made me examine my other worries about her. She is so tiny - right at the bottom of the range for her age; although she is following her 'centile' on the Health Visitor's graph. She is talking a bit now - "Da!" seems to mean a lot of things. And we have some "Da da da da" and "Ma ma ma ma". And once or twice a very emphatic 'No!". She is starting to walk. She can stand by unsupported; but isn't quite confident enough to take steps all by herself yet.

I find myself looking back twelve months to how Leo was this time last year and trying to remember, so I can compare their development. I know that this way lies madness - you don't have to say it. But each day, I talk to her and play with her and worry that her slight developmental delay is a permanent thing, rather than just the result of being so poorly in her first six months. She likes putting things in to things. Boxes. Clothes pegs. Banging saucepans with a spoon. Climbing in to the cupboard under the sink with Leo. Playing with his etch-a-sketch. She likes to be in the back-pack whilst B is cooking - they have long conversations about what they are doing that I secretly listen to from the living room.

I love her so much now - all the bonding issues that were there twelve months ago have gone and my heart aches with astonished love sometimes as I look at her. Does everyone have this? I suppose that if you don't have post-natal depression it must be normal - I regret not experiencing it earlier. I feel now that I have missed out so much of both their baby-hoods by being in such a slough of despair.

They are interesting people now, in their own right, already growing in to themselves and gaining increased independence. I think I might, finally, be getting the hang of this motherhood thing.

In other news: Leo wants to 'write a blob' :).

For today, that is all.


  1. " just the result of being so poorly in her first six months." Please try to remember this. And also, that she has the rest of her life to catch up.

    You would not believe how fast kids catch up when they get to around school age. A lot of the time, they do it in the summer hols before starting school. There's LOADS of time for Nenna.

    Patrick and James didn't talk until after they were two! They didn't have a tooth in their heads until after they were walking and Patrick didn't walk until about 15-16 months.

    It's so easy to worry about what your children "should" be doing but I urge you to instead, marvel in the milestones Nenna has already reached. Cross bridges as you come to them, worrying about them before hand just leads to stress and grey hair.

  2. I remember with Mei that he would do something new ONCE...
    "there, I've done it, NO way will I 'perform' for anyone else, let alone a health visitor"
    As Ms Mac said, they all get there in the end
    Wish I'd had someone sensible like her around for me!!

  3. A blob. That's awesome. I bet he has some interesting things to say.

  4. I agree with Ms Mac...celebrate the achievements and try not to worry too much!!

    I love that Leo wants to write his own blob...brilliant *grins*

    C x

  5. My youngest's word was "da" too, for anything water-related - a drink, the sea, rain, a puddle - as well as for his father.

    She'll most likely catch up gradually and completely - but after all your worries about her, that she's well and happy and that you love her so is all that you could wish for, really.