Things that make me happy include:
- Leo coming up and cuddling against me
- B doing the same ;)
- Eleanor staring at me in that wise/innocent baby-way
- Smelling the wind coming in through the back door when I open it first thing in the morning
- Knowing there is crumble topping in the bottom of the fridge
- Making biscuits
- Having a clean house
- Being able to lift things again without it hurting
- The kindness of strangers
- Our own compost
B came back from a three night away at ten last night and went again at one this afternoon. He'll be back about two this morning, has tomorrow off and then is working mostly away for pretty much ten days straight. i.e. if he comes back it'll literally only be to sleep and change his socks before he's off again. I've coped really well for the last three days, despite not having a car. Leo hasn't been able to go to nursery; but I've got him in to a good routine where he goes down for two naps of about an hour and a half each morning and afternoon ("Let's just go up to your cot and you can have a little rest and read your books!"). He's awake at seven. And has been in bed by about six thirty each night.
Eleanor is a bit better, snuffles wise. I'm propping her up in her pram and her cot a lot, which seems to be helping. She's therefore able to take more with each feed, so we are going longer between them and I'm a bit more rested. I still haven't taken her out - but the midwives have signed both her and me off to the Health Visitor and she's put on just over a pound in three and a half weeks; which given her difficulties is brilliant.
Tomorrow, I am going to reclaim my chickens from the very kind friend who has been looking after them. And we have another friend visiting for a day or two. Life is starting to come back in to balance - I don't usually mark Halloween in any way, other than to tape up the letter box with gaffer tape and pretend to be out. However, on Friday night I did feel that I wanted to take a quiet moment to acknowledge that it was 'All Hallows' and remember all the people that we have lost this year. It felt the right thing to do, somehow. Apparently the Welsh version of Halloween is called 'Nos Galan Gaeaf', which means 'The first day of the new winter' - or the new year. To me, winter is the beginning of the year; the fallow-time when everything recharges itself and gets ready for spring. So it seemed a good time to draw a mental line under the last twelve months and start afresh.
For today, that is all.