Thursday, 13 March 2008

stop


It sounds overly dramatic, I know; but I just feel like I can't go on coping with everything. Not in an 'ending it all by jumping off a cliff' kind of way, I hasten to add* - but in a "bloody HELL, why am I spending all my time doing all these things that mean that my life is full of stress" kind of way.

I am not enjoying the baby.

Not because he is not enjoyable and not because I don't love him to bits. But because I don't have TIME to enjoy him. I am so stressed about sorting out the renovations to the house, keeping on top of the accounts, chasing payments, issuing invoices, getting together marketing material and worrying about money - the 'survival things' - that I don't have time for the fun stuff.

Playing with him. Enjoying bathing him. Taking him for walks. And I don't have time for myself. I don't have time to sort out the garden. Look after the chickens properly. Take care of the bees. To read. To spend time with B.

All parents have limitations on their time. Of course they do. And I know that many parents hold down a stressful job or run a stressful business whilst being parents.

But I can't do it any more.

We live in a lovely place. We have a big mortgage to enable us to do that.

I want a smaller mortgage. And I want more time. More time with B - who is fed up with working away so much, too - more time with Leo, more time in the garden. I feel like I am not living, that I am just surviving. B is the centre of my life; and currently, we spend more apart than we do together.

Ma says that I should pick myself up, dust myself off and get on with things and that everyone in business suffers this kind of reverse at one time or another. She's right. But you have to ask yourself, "is it worth it?". Is it worth the stress?

And to me, currently, it's not.

These people who are going in to administration owe us just over six thousand pounds. That is a considerable amount for us. More than half of that is owed to other people for kit hire and crew hire for those two jobs. So that is money that we have to find. Luckily our suppliers are prepared to take staged payments.

The shortfall means that we do not have enough money ourselves to convert the end of our house in to the self-contained flat that we were planning to rent out to take some of the financial pressure off of B - so he could spend more time at home.

And the thing that is making me most angry is that we have heard on the grapevine that at least one of the directors from the company has walked straight in to a partnership with someone else, still doing events. How can that be right? I know it's common - I'm not naive. But it is wrong.

I don't know what to do.

I don't know if either of us can bear to go through another attempt at moving house whilst pregnant. Especially not after we have spent the last six months putting our heart and soul in to making the house as we want it. But what else can we do? Less work, which we both want, means less money. Less money means needing to have fewer outgoings. Fewer outgoings means a small mortgage. A smaller mortgage means moving.

I am so confused and stressed. And distressed.

What should we do?


*Although sitting it a nice, dark wardrobe for a bit wrapped in a cuddly blanket might be nice.

16 comments:

  1. I don't know what you should do, all told, but I do know that I'm sure that most people feel like this at least sometimes, and you're not alone in that. For the meantime, all I can do is send hugs, and virtual hot chocolate.

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  2. I don't know what you should do, all told, but I do know that I'm sure that most people feel like this at least sometimes, and you're not alone in that. For the meantime, all I can do is send hugs, and virtual hot chocolate.

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  3. Oh Ally!

    Right....I'm sure you've already thought of this but...
    1. Speak to your mortgage lender. They may, in the face of cashflow problems related to a customer of yours, agree to what I believe is called a "payment holiday" whereby your repayments are suspended for a period of time. Depending on size of mortgage (don't know, don't want to know) agree to extending the loan to enable you to do the conversion you were thinking of without your repayments increasing. It's worth a try.

    2. Is there anyone who could help with the "survival stuff" on a short-term basis to give you a little time to do more "You and Leo and B" stuff? God knows if I lived closer I'd offer to help myself!

    3. Um...there currently is no "3" except to say that while Ma may be right, it isn't always that easy. Sometimes circumstances conspire against us.

    Support from your virtual friends may not be much practical use but we love you Ally. Never forget it.

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  4. Oh Ally!

    Right....I'm sure you've already thought of this but...
    1. Speak to your mortgage lender. They may, in the face of cashflow problems related to a customer of yours, agree to what I believe is called a "payment holiday" whereby your repayments are suspended for a period of time. Depending on size of mortgage (don't know, don't want to know) agree to extending the loan to enable you to do the conversion you were thinking of without your repayments increasing. It's worth a try.

    2. Is there anyone who could help with the "survival stuff" on a short-term basis to give you a little time to do more "You and Leo and B" stuff? God knows if I lived closer I'd offer to help myself!

    3. Um...there currently is no "3" except to say that while Ma may be right, it isn't always that easy. Sometimes circumstances conspire against us.

    Support from your virtual friends may not be much practical use but we love you Ally. Never forget it.

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  5. It is quite a rough patch you are going through. I don't know what to tell you to solve your problems. As Steg mentioned, perhaps a chat with your mortage lender would help. If not, you are no worse off. Now as I watch my daughtr raising her son, I see how it was for me as well, always running from task to task, perpetually tred and not enough time to enjoy the little one. It is hard being a parent.
    All I can offer is a sympathetic ear and a virtual hug.

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  6. It is quite a rough patch you are going through. I don't know what to tell you to solve your problems. As Steg mentioned, perhaps a chat with your mortage lender would help. If not, you are no worse off. Now as I watch my daughtr raising her son, I see how it was for me as well, always running from task to task, perpetually tred and not enough time to enjoy the little one. It is hard being a parent.
    All I can offer is a sympathetic ear and a virtual hug.

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  7. Is there anything practical I can do to help? How did your virtual office thing work out?
    Let me know

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  8. Is there anything practical I can do to help? How did your virtual office thing work out?
    Let me know

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  9. You have always seemed like Mrs unbelievable-miracle-working-superwoman to me, and I am quite used to putting myself to shame in comparison.

    Its hard enough having a second pregnancy with the first little one to look after (excuse me I lost the plot; that IS the case?), let alone the various cottage industries you have going with chickens and bees and working back towards being a landlady again (do you really want to be a landlady in the toddler years?), LET ALONE helping to run a business, going through the stress of being a single mum every so often with no continuity, and now a nasty cash-flow hiccup.

    You are, IMHO, seriously overstretched, which means I have no advice for you at all, because either:

    a)You need to cut back on everything, to let you focus on being a happy mother / educator / shining example to a precious and impressionable young mind for at least the first five years, or

    b) you can do that already really, you're just completely sideswiped and knackered and need a week of early nights.

    Like I say, you always looked like Superwoman anyway, so I just can't tell.

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  10. You have always seemed like Mrs unbelievable-miracle-working-superwoman to me, and I am quite used to putting myself to shame in comparison.

    Its hard enough having a second pregnancy with the first little one to look after (excuse me I lost the plot; that IS the case?), let alone the various cottage industries you have going with chickens and bees and working back towards being a landlady again (do you really want to be a landlady in the toddler years?), LET ALONE helping to run a business, going through the stress of being a single mum every so often with no continuity, and now a nasty cash-flow hiccup.

    You are, IMHO, seriously overstretched, which means I have no advice for you at all, because either:

    a)You need to cut back on everything, to let you focus on being a happy mother / educator / shining example to a precious and impressionable young mind for at least the first five years, or

    b) you can do that already really, you're just completely sideswiped and knackered and need a week of early nights.

    Like I say, you always looked like Superwoman anyway, so I just can't tell.

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  11. I also don't know what you should do but wanted to send hugs and sympathy. Goodness knows I feel for you, sharing your husband-who-is-always-away thing and having to work evenings when the children are in bed. Not fun - and I am not doing a thing to my house (been here 2 years: have managed to paint the walls of precisely one room and That Is All).
    Also, anything practical I can do to help, please let me know. Even if you just want coffee and cake and uninterrupted baby-play an hour away from home; just say the word.

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  12. I also don't know what you should do but wanted to send hugs and sympathy. Goodness knows I feel for you, sharing your husband-who-is-always-away thing and having to work evenings when the children are in bed. Not fun - and I am not doing a thing to my house (been here 2 years: have managed to paint the walls of precisely one room and That Is All).
    Also, anything practical I can do to help, please let me know. Even if you just want coffee and cake and uninterrupted baby-play an hour away from home; just say the word.

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  13. Dear Ally, I have ben reading your blog for a little while now and you do seem to have a very busy involved life! Being a stranger to you I would not presume to tell you what to do, all I can say is taking steps to simplify my life has made a huge difference to me.
    I hope you manage to weather the storm. Your dreams may take more time, than you hoped, to materialise but nothing worthwhile is easily won.
    Take heart Ally.
    Warm regards Julie.

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  14. Dear Ally, I have ben reading your blog for a little while now and you do seem to have a very busy involved life! Being a stranger to you I would not presume to tell you what to do, all I can say is taking steps to simplify my life has made a huge difference to me.
    I hope you manage to weather the storm. Your dreams may take more time, than you hoped, to materialise but nothing worthwhile is easily won.
    Take heart Ally.
    Warm regards Julie.

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  15. Lots of hugs, Ally. You do so much that you are always a marvel to me.

    Do you have any friends nearby who are handy? Could you throw a little renovation party? Exchange pizza and beer for drywall work or toilet installation? I suspect there are a lot of people who would love to help you out in this time of need. My husband and I would help in a heartbeat if we were within a thousand miles of you.

    Is there any way you can temporarily rent out a room *without* completing the renovation?

    One day you will look back on this time and say "Jesus Hieronymous Christ, I have no idea how we managed. But we did."

    xxoo

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  16. Lots of hugs, Ally. You do so much that you are always a marvel to me.

    Do you have any friends nearby who are handy? Could you throw a little renovation party? Exchange pizza and beer for drywall work or toilet installation? I suspect there are a lot of people who would love to help you out in this time of need. My husband and I would help in a heartbeat if we were within a thousand miles of you.

    Is there any way you can temporarily rent out a room *without* completing the renovation?

    One day you will look back on this time and say "Jesus Hieronymous Christ, I have no idea how we managed. But we did."

    xxoo

    ReplyDelete