Thursday, 11 October 2007

boob

It's been my third day and late night in the last fortnight without B being here.

I've coped okay up to now, if you discount the day he came home at 9.30pm and I insisted on taking L to the out of hours doctor's service because his breathing was rattling*.

Today, Mrs Doubtfire the Doula came for three hours this morning - she cleans the kitchen floor even if there's no mouse blood on it, did I say? And I went back to bed for a couple of hours sleep. I don't feel great in my head - hormones I think, but I do feel I'm struggling a bit.

I want to thank everyone who sent me information and experiences regarding breast-feeding. I would also like to say that I am really, really impressed with the service our local midwives offer - basically they have a twenty-four hour breast-feeding call-out service for the fortnight after you give birth. They are also linked to a La Leche group in Welshpool - I think that some of them must be La Leche trained as the implication is that they helped set up the group and mentored some of the women now running it.

Anyway, call me a wimp, but I have drawn a line under the boob-feeding. Not really for pain-related reasons, more for head-related reasons. L was taking so long to feed - basically latching on and then staying on for hours if I let him - and I was getting so wound up about it all, thinking I wasn't giving him enough to eat because he was crying all the time - that it was doing my mental health and well-being no good whatsoever.

I stuck it for nearly three weeks, so he's had a start from me, and now he's happily on the bottle and B and I are sharing the feeding, which is wonderful. Perhaps if/when we have another baby, it will go better. The health-care people we've been involved with - the consultant, the health-visitor, the midwives, the GP - have all been really, really supportive about our choices; and we are happy. I feel a bit guilty. But at the end of the day I need to do what is best for me; and this is it.

There are two things that I am unhappy about - i) the exhaustion. Hey, that's great, isn't it! And ii) the fact that everything seems to take four times longer than it used to. Partly due to i) the exhaustion. But it's all down to planning a bit better. Not a strong point of either B or me, as people who know us in real life (tm) will know.

I still haven't planted my winter lettuce, but I have pulled out half the tomatoes and have the green tomatoes sat in a bowl in the kitchen ready to make in to chutney. Tomorrow, we are taking L for his cranio-sacral appointment and then we are staying with Kate and Vic for the night. I am really nervous about it - not the actual staying over, staying with Ma was no problem at all - but because of the Kate-related trauma a couple of weeks ago.

I might go and make chutney now. L is sleeping. More after the weekend. If we survive.


* He was fine, just the echoing-baby-mucus-in-the-throat thing. On the other hand, the lovely out of hours doctor took one look at me, put her hand on my arm and said (imagine Irish accent) "And now my dear, what about you?" and I promptly burst in to tears.

20 comments:

  1. Ohohoh - *enormous hug and glass of sloe wine*

    It sounds to me as if you're doing really well. It's an enormous adjustment, I should imagine, so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't feel perfect all the bloody time. Sleep, eat, rest. Would you like that crappy book I mentioned by post to read, or are you more at the wall-staring stage?

    *extra bonus hug*

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  2. Ohohoh - *enormous hug and glass of sloe wine*

    It sounds to me as if you're doing really well. It's an enormous adjustment, I should imagine, so don't be too hard on yourself if you don't feel perfect all the bloody time. Sleep, eat, rest. Would you like that crappy book I mentioned by post to read, or are you more at the wall-staring stage?

    *extra bonus hug*

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  3. you are doing brilliantly. Wake when leo is awake and sleep when he sleeps and give your body time to adjust. Let the doula sort out the dead mice and don't feel guilty.

    many many hugs

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  4. you are doing brilliantly. Wake when leo is awake and sleep when he sleeps and give your body time to adjust. Let the doula sort out the dead mice and don't feel guilty.

    many many hugs

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  5. Don't feel guilty about the bottle feeding - if you're happy then it's the best choice.

    And, hang on, your baby is only just out and you're already making chutney and planting lettuces?????? I was so bloody exhausted after having a baby that I did not TOUCH my vegetable garden for approximately a year afterwards. I just couldn't find the time. (Must have been all that breastfeeding, LOL!).

    :-)

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  6. Don't feel guilty about the bottle feeding - if you're happy then it's the best choice.

    And, hang on, your baby is only just out and you're already making chutney and planting lettuces?????? I was so bloody exhausted after having a baby that I did not TOUCH my vegetable garden for approximately a year afterwards. I just couldn't find the time. (Must have been all that breastfeeding, LOL!).

    :-)

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  7. Everybody above has made very relevant points. Listen to them, especially KW who is wise beyond her years. You are in the early stages of making the most enormous adjustment to your life and living that you ever will.
    And as far as I can tell from this distance you both get a star. A gold one. Each. And a large glass of whatever you fancy.


    *gentle hug*

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  8. Everybody above has made very relevant points. Listen to them, especially KW who is wise beyond her years. You are in the early stages of making the most enormous adjustment to your life and living that you ever will.
    And as far as I can tell from this distance you both get a star. A gold one. Each. And a large glass of whatever you fancy.


    *gentle hug*

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  9. It all sounds normal to me. The first baby is such a life altering experience. You have to re-ealuate, and re-consider every single thing you used to do without thinking. As for Kate, well, you have the baby, and the power, and get to call the shots. use the force Ally!

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  10. Someone should have told you - if your hormones are following the typical (helter skelter) path toward normality then:

    Day four is bricks in the pits day, when you start to lactate hard and wake up like you're wearing two over-inflated tyres (beach balls is not a good analogy - they would be waaaaaay too light...)

    Day seven is end of the world day. Not a lot you can do about it, its just a heartbreak day and you need to know and have the tissues in ready, but its all gone by day eight...


    ...unless you bottle it and soldier on, in which case...

    day nine or ten can be 'wits end' day, vaguely reminiscent of giving birth, when legend says a lady exerts enough strength to lift a small family car...... and throw it at someone.


    Sounds like you're really rather sedate, so far!

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  11. Someone should have told you - if your hormones are following the typical (helter skelter) path toward normality then:

    Day four is bricks in the pits day, when you start to lactate hard and wake up like you're wearing two over-inflated tyres (beach balls is not a good analogy - they would be waaaaaay too light...)

    Day seven is end of the world day. Not a lot you can do about it, its just a heartbreak day and you need to know and have the tissues in ready, but its all gone by day eight...


    ...unless you bottle it and soldier on, in which case...

    day nine or ten can be 'wits end' day, vaguely reminiscent of giving birth, when legend says a lady exerts enough strength to lift a small family car...... and throw it at someone.


    Sounds like you're really rather sedate, so far!

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  12. You're doing great. Like everyone else says, what you describe is totally normal. Having a baby changes everything. Nothing will ever be the same again, even things like the way you brush your teeth or drink a cup of tea, every little thing is different. And yes, everything takes four times as long. I remember it well.

    It can be grim. I hate the myth of the serenely smiling new mother in the broiderie anglaise nightie with a soft focus lens. The reality can be bloody awful - knackered saggy mother in a dirty nightie with baby sick on it, still wearing said dirty nightie at 3 in the afternoon, disgusting hair, disgusting house, so tired and lonely and bewildered and disillusioned all she can do is cry. That was reality for me, anyway.

    It gets better. Accept offers of help. Ask for help if you don't get enough offers. Sleep as much as you can (which probably won't be much). For God's sake, don't try to clean house when the baby is asleep. When the baby is asleep give a quick prayer of thanks, and sleep too. Sod the house. Sod the garden. Your task is to survive the first few months. It gets better. I promise, it gets better.

    Joining things like NCT, La Lache League (they'll have you even if you don't breast feed, if they're any good), mums and tots play sessions etc was a lifesaver for me. It got me out of my own messy house, got a cup of tea somebody else had made, get to meet other women who were ging through the same as me or had just gone through it. I picked up some useful tips but mainly it was the company and the break the I really needed.

    And I give you permission to slap anyone who says "It goes by so quickly" when it isn't going nearly fast enough.

    ReplyDelete
  13. You're doing great. Like everyone else says, what you describe is totally normal. Having a baby changes everything. Nothing will ever be the same again, even things like the way you brush your teeth or drink a cup of tea, every little thing is different. And yes, everything takes four times as long. I remember it well.

    It can be grim. I hate the myth of the serenely smiling new mother in the broiderie anglaise nightie with a soft focus lens. The reality can be bloody awful - knackered saggy mother in a dirty nightie with baby sick on it, still wearing said dirty nightie at 3 in the afternoon, disgusting hair, disgusting house, so tired and lonely and bewildered and disillusioned all she can do is cry. That was reality for me, anyway.

    It gets better. Accept offers of help. Ask for help if you don't get enough offers. Sleep as much as you can (which probably won't be much). For God's sake, don't try to clean house when the baby is asleep. When the baby is asleep give a quick prayer of thanks, and sleep too. Sod the house. Sod the garden. Your task is to survive the first few months. It gets better. I promise, it gets better.

    Joining things like NCT, La Lache League (they'll have you even if you don't breast feed, if they're any good), mums and tots play sessions etc was a lifesaver for me. It got me out of my own messy house, got a cup of tea somebody else had made, get to meet other women who were ging through the same as me or had just gone through it. I picked up some useful tips but mainly it was the company and the break the I really needed.

    And I give you permission to slap anyone who says "It goes by so quickly" when it isn't going nearly fast enough.

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  14. *volunteers to do the slapping Melanie mentioned so as to relieve Ally of extra tasks*

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  15. It may not feel like it, but you're doing fine. Really, if you're actually doing ANYTHING other than the baby and yourself you're doing fine.

    The exhaustion is a mental torture that people tell you about, but until you experience it, you just can't understand. Catch sleep any second you can. He will start sleeping better, but not any time soon. Soldier on, there is no other way! The rewards are there though, promise!

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  16. It may not feel like it, but you're doing fine. Really, if you're actually doing ANYTHING other than the baby and yourself you're doing fine.

    The exhaustion is a mental torture that people tell you about, but until you experience it, you just can't understand. Catch sleep any second you can. He will start sleeping better, but not any time soon. Soldier on, there is no other way! The rewards are there though, promise!

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  17. Just delurking to say a massive congratulations, Leo looks gorgeous from your photos. I've been reading your blog for ages (my parents live quite close to Welshpool and your blog reminds me of home!) and although I've never had children of my own, I am sending bestest wishes and a hug if that isn't too weird from a stranger!
    I hope your weekend is going better than you thought!

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  18. Just delurking to say a massive congratulations, Leo looks gorgeous from your photos. I've been reading your blog for ages (my parents live quite close to Welshpool and your blog reminds me of home!) and although I've never had children of my own, I am sending bestest wishes and a hug if that isn't too weird from a stranger!
    I hope your weekend is going better than you thought!

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  19. You are out pulling tomatoes and making chutney and planting lettuce?

    I haven't had a baby for 20 years and I still haven't gotten around to going to the garden to pull my tomatoes.

    Seriously, you are doing great. Don't feel bad about the breastfeeding. The three weeks you did breastfeed gave Leo a good start.

    I agree that what makes you happy is the best choice.

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  20. You are out pulling tomatoes and making chutney and planting lettuce?

    I haven't had a baby for 20 years and I still haven't gotten around to going to the garden to pull my tomatoes.

    Seriously, you are doing great. Don't feel bad about the breastfeeding. The three weeks you did breastfeed gave Leo a good start.

    I agree that what makes you happy is the best choice.

    ReplyDelete