Tuesday, 19 June 2007

more snuff, and fishy madness

Firstly, apologies to Graeme, who came here looking for sites about snuff to link to his Yahoo Group; not sites about snuff, as I nasty-mindedly assumed. My time at The Company That Cannot Be Named For Legal Reasons has made me very cynical about the internet and I am therefore a Bad Person. Sorry Graeme. I still can't work out why Google pointed you here though - unless it WAS because of that very early post about TCTCBNFLR.

Secondly, the people who came to look at the house yesterday afternoon are coming back for a second viewing this morning. Hence my thrutching around on the internet to calm my nerves before they arrive at ten. Cross everything, please.

Thirdly, I have taken the plunge and got myself a last minute appointment with the obstretician tomorrow to discuss medication. I have been going through quite a severe phase of resenting the bump, being revolted by the idea of the baby inside me and just wanting it all to be over so that I can give it to someone else and leg it over the horizon. And then feeling really guilty that the baby will know that I don't want it.

Not entirely healthy.

I'm okay - doing lots of parenting myself, knowing that what I'm feeling is hormonally or chemically produced, knowing I'm confused. But I need a bit of help.

So I phoned them up yesterday after a chat with a friend (*waves thank you*) and then phoned my mum. Who was in a Good Place, relatively low on the Fishy Scale of Madness, and is coming up on the train either this evening or tomorrow morning to stay for a night or two. (Quote: "It's not that I'm worried about leaving your father dear, I shouldn't worry about dreaming that he's dead, he's tough as old boots and has got quite a lot of mileage left in him yet. He was out on his scooter yesterday and is quite happy. It's more Foxy (the dog). His blood-sugar is really high and I have to carry him up the stairs to bed at night").

I think that B has phoned her too and had a word with her; and he's told me not to worry about anyone else's problems, just to concentrate on myself and keeping steady.

Right. I'm going to go and randomly open and shut doors and windows for twenty minutes now and do a last minute Dead Vole Check. More later, if there's more to tell.

And Steg, I haven't forgotten your interview - it's just I'm a bit crap. Sorry.

18 comments:

  1. Don't worry about the bloody interview. Leave it until "bump" is born, educated and has left home, if it makes things easier for you. You're not crap in the slightest and if you persist in saying things like that you'll make me cross. And you don't want that!

    Good luck, I've crossed everything - fingers, legs, eyes, even my Proton pack Streams!
    Ooh, it's 10. They might be there now!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Don't worry about the bloody interview. Leave it until "bump" is born, educated and has left home, if it makes things easier for you. You're not crap in the slightest and if you persist in saying things like that you'll make me cross. And you don't want that!

    Good luck, I've crossed everything - fingers, legs, eyes, even my Proton pack Streams!
    Ooh, it's 10. They might be there now!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've never really understood the tagline of this blog.
    Presumably, you want us to change the D in DUCKING for an F?
    I can't see anything else that would really fit.
    But that (Fucking for Apples) would expose you as a prostitute who prefers payment in the form of fruit.
    Is this correct?
    Please explain.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've never really understood the tagline of this blog.
    Presumably, you want us to change the D in DUCKING for an F?
    I can't see anything else that would really fit.
    But that (Fucking for Apples) would expose you as a prostitute who prefers payment in the form of fruit.
    Is this correct?
    Please explain.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hey, pregnancy, and the aftermath of birth, flood you with all sorts of uppers and downers. This will not be helped by lack of sleep, and this totally dependent being crying just for the hell of it. Just ride the wave best you can.

    Am not saying this to depress you further, really. The wonderful thing is, it is all so totallyl completely worth it. Just remember the end result, and all of us standing here helping and cheering you on too.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey, pregnancy, and the aftermath of birth, flood you with all sorts of uppers and downers. This will not be helped by lack of sleep, and this totally dependent being crying just for the hell of it. Just ride the wave best you can.

    Am not saying this to depress you further, really. The wonderful thing is, it is all so totallyl completely worth it. Just remember the end result, and all of us standing here helping and cheering you on too.

    ReplyDelete
  7. 6000: Hello and thank you for your slightly barbed comment. If you google 'ducking for apples' you will find that it's a quotation from the writer Dorothy Parker.

    Boy: thanks - I do appreciate it. And at one level, I know that all those wonderful hormone and bonding things WILL happen. Just at the moment I can't visualise them :).

    ReplyDelete
  8. 6000: Hello and thank you for your slightly barbed comment. If you google 'ducking for apples' you will find that it's a quotation from the writer Dorothy Parker.

    Boy: thanks - I do appreciate it. And at one level, I know that all those wonderful hormone and bonding things WILL happen. Just at the moment I can't visualise them :).

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hi, hope the viewing went well, and that the appointment will, too. Love & Hugs, kaz xxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi, hope the viewing went well, and that the appointment will, too. Love & Hugs, kaz xxx

    ReplyDelete
  11. You know, I'd always wondered where the "ducking for apples" came from. I just never felt like asking. Now I don't have to!

    I hope your appointment went well. At least you're recognizing the problems you're having, and you're doing something about them. A lot of people don't.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You know, I'd always wondered where the "ducking for apples" came from. I just never felt like asking. Now I don't have to!

    I hope your appointment went well. At least you're recognizing the problems you're having, and you're doing something about them. A lot of people don't.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I agree with "The Boy" says - pregnancy messes up your brain massively. When your hormones get back to normal you'll look back and laugh. I promise. I know it's hideous now, really hideous and scary and horrible. I don't want to belittle what you're going through. I just want to reassure you you're not going mad. Be gentle with yourself. You're going to be a great mum - I envy your bump!

    Oh and about the Dorothy Parker quote - I got it. You could also have used "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think". Big DP fan over here.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I agree with "The Boy" says - pregnancy messes up your brain massively. When your hormones get back to normal you'll look back and laugh. I promise. I know it's hideous now, really hideous and scary and horrible. I don't want to belittle what you're going through. I just want to reassure you you're not going mad. Be gentle with yourself. You're going to be a great mum - I envy your bump!

    Oh and about the Dorothy Parker quote - I got it. You could also have used "You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think". Big DP fan over here.

    ReplyDelete
  15. As always, I find myself agreeing with the boy (certainly from a male persecptive who has watched his partner go through pregancy and childbirth)

    There are times when I wish I could take the baby back and get a refund and then there are other time when he is the cutest and most attentive baby in the world and you just can't help but love them.

    From my experiance of the last 7 months since our son was born I think that only your own off-spring can bring you the true heart melting moments (when they're not screaming the place down for no reason of course!)

    Anyway, I hope you feel better about yourself and the baby soon.

    ReplyDelete
  16. As always, I find myself agreeing with the boy (certainly from a male persecptive who has watched his partner go through pregancy and childbirth)

    There are times when I wish I could take the baby back and get a refund and then there are other time when he is the cutest and most attentive baby in the world and you just can't help but love them.

    From my experiance of the last 7 months since our son was born I think that only your own off-spring can bring you the true heart melting moments (when they're not screaming the place down for no reason of course!)

    Anyway, I hope you feel better about yourself and the baby soon.

    ReplyDelete