Tuesday, 10 April 2007

not much improvement

Weird weekend.

Nice to see the family - but absolutely the last thing I need when I feel so crummy is Ma banging on ad infinitum on the theme of how if you feel bad now Ally you'll feel SO MUCH WORSE when the baby's born and of course you'll be coping on your own because B will have to be away so much working because if you send substitute crew out it will mean that you won't have so much profits coming in to the business and if you move a bit further in to Wales it will mean that he has a MUCH longer journey and have you thought about how tired you will both be and he'll be needing his sleep if he's working and so you'll have to be coping with the baby on you own at night ... .

And then as we were leaving she whispered to him that he should stand up to me more.

I cried most of the way home and still feel like I want to huddle in a small dark corner and cut my arms.

I don't think it was a very successful visit. And I think that possibly I've been throwing up the anti-depressant tablets.

We got some nice tomato plants though.

29 comments:

  1. Blimey, aren't mothers wonderful. We know when we're finally grown up, because we are able to listen to that sort of thing without it getting to us. Do try to distance your mind and think of her with pity - a really happy person wouldn't say such unkind things.

    Even if the baby isn't a good sleeper, you won't feel sick any more, so it's going to be a bloody sight better than it is now. It may be a lovely, happy little darling who sleeps for hours at a stretch. It may, of course, be one of the ones who wakes hourly for several months, but you'll cope, you know. And you will be happy and you will all love each other. And when you've had a bad day you can tell us and we'll put our virtual arms round you.

    xxx

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  2. Blimey, aren't mothers wonderful. We know when we're finally grown up, because we are able to listen to that sort of thing without it getting to us. Do try to distance your mind and think of her with pity - a really happy person wouldn't say such unkind things.

    Even if the baby isn't a good sleeper, you won't feel sick any more, so it's going to be a bloody sight better than it is now. It may be a lovely, happy little darling who sleeps for hours at a stretch. It may, of course, be one of the ones who wakes hourly for several months, but you'll cope, you know. And you will be happy and you will all love each other. And when you've had a bad day you can tell us and we'll put our virtual arms round you.

    xxx

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  3. oh, and what variety are the tomato plants?

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  4. GRAAAH!
    Bloody mothers.

    Is this all her way of trying to make you want to move back nearer to her? Her skewed way of volunteering?

    Perhaps a straight answer is 'Of course I wont want to cope all on my own, so of course he's going to have to cut his hours and I'm going to have to be nearer civilisation in case of emergencies. We BOTH got me pregnant you know, and what other choice is there?'

    I honestly think she might be pushing you to ask that last bit so she can be useful, either as tactician or fairy godmother.

    'Well then, what do you suggest, mother?' would do just as well.

    Still,

    Bloody, bloody mothers.

    Pleased about the tomatoes.

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  5. GRAAAH!
    Bloody mothers.

    Is this all her way of trying to make you want to move back nearer to her? Her skewed way of volunteering?

    Perhaps a straight answer is 'Of course I wont want to cope all on my own, so of course he's going to have to cut his hours and I'm going to have to be nearer civilisation in case of emergencies. We BOTH got me pregnant you know, and what other choice is there?'

    I honestly think she might be pushing you to ask that last bit so she can be useful, either as tactician or fairy godmother.

    'Well then, what do you suggest, mother?' would do just as well.

    Still,

    Bloody, bloody mothers.

    Pleased about the tomatoes.

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  6. Mothers are truly one of the world's most confusing creatures. |You know they want the very best for you but sometimes it's just so hard to see that in their actions.

    But yumm! Tomato plants- think of all the yummy greek salads you'll be able to make!

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  7. Mothers are truly one of the world's most confusing creatures. |You know they want the very best for you but sometimes it's just so hard to see that in their actions.

    But yumm! Tomato plants- think of all the yummy greek salads you'll be able to make!

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  8. Humph, gah (!) and indeed, grr!

    I'm sure Cheryl's right and it's just "her way" of trying to offer assistance and prepare you for the realities of actually having the baby - but really! Gee, thanks ma!
    You'll cope, though, because you're you and you're a fine person. As Z says you have a veritable army of virtual friends to offer you all the support they can.
    If you choose to huddle in a small, dark corner just imagine a calm,, soft voice whispering to you "It'll all be okay, you know." and that will be me.

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  9. Humph, gah (!) and indeed, grr!

    I'm sure Cheryl's right and it's just "her way" of trying to offer assistance and prepare you for the realities of actually having the baby - but really! Gee, thanks ma!
    You'll cope, though, because you're you and you're a fine person. As Z says you have a veritable army of virtual friends to offer you all the support they can.
    If you choose to huddle in a small, dark corner just imagine a calm,, soft voice whispering to you "It'll all be okay, you know." and that will be me.

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  10. You know what they say, you can pick your blogfriends but not your family It does sound a bit like she doesn't want you to be farther away from her. Anyway there will be some not so great times after the bab is born. But there will be many more absolutely bissful happy moments. And the sleepless nights are part of the deal for every new parent. Somehow we survive it.You will too.

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  11. You know what they say, you can pick your blogfriends but not your family It does sound a bit like she doesn't want you to be farther away from her. Anyway there will be some not so great times after the bab is born. But there will be many more absolutely bissful happy moments. And the sleepless nights are part of the deal for every new parent. Somehow we survive it.You will too.

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  12. Oh arse. Ignore her - it'll all be fine, plus by then you will be living in financial eden due to having cunningly down-sized, so you can lull yourself to sleep at night by counting out used fivers and making them into burnable bundles for the stove. :)

    Did I tell you that Mr. KW's mother's first words on learning that we'd finally had our stove installed were 'you must be careful KWs - I have just read an article in the paper about LOTS OF THATCHED COTTAGES BURNING DOWN BECAUSE OF STOVES!' See? You're not alone. :)

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  13. Oh arse. Ignore her - it'll all be fine, plus by then you will be living in financial eden due to having cunningly down-sized, so you can lull yourself to sleep at night by counting out used fivers and making them into burnable bundles for the stove. :)

    Did I tell you that Mr. KW's mother's first words on learning that we'd finally had our stove installed were 'you must be careful KWs - I have just read an article in the paper about LOTS OF THATCHED COTTAGES BURNING DOWN BECAUSE OF STOVES!' See? You're not alone. :)

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  14. from our experience the very tiring but is only the first 3 months. Our baby's been sleeping for 12 hours a night from 11 weeks and even before that for the previous 5 weeks he'd only been wanting 1 feed in the night.

    There will be a time when everything gets too much, but that's happened with every new mother I've now, but the next day it gets better again.

    A the moment no matter how moody the baby is the previous day, when I wake he up and he breaks out in the biggest grin I can forgive him anything...

    I'm sure that everthing will be OK and the baby friends that you will get to know will all help each other through

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  15. from our experience the very tiring but is only the first 3 months. Our baby's been sleeping for 12 hours a night from 11 weeks and even before that for the previous 5 weeks he'd only been wanting 1 feed in the night.

    There will be a time when everything gets too much, but that's happened with every new mother I've now, but the next day it gets better again.

    A the moment no matter how moody the baby is the previous day, when I wake he up and he breaks out in the biggest grin I can forgive him anything...

    I'm sure that everthing will be OK and the baby friends that you will get to know will all help each other through

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  16. Oh Ally :-( I wondered where my mother had gone for Easter! Hey maybe you're my long lost sister!!?

    Tough for you. You so don't need that.

    Here's the truth. Your experience of having a baby will be your own. It's impossible to imagine what it will be like, because well...it is. You'll know soon enough. But there is absolutely no reason to think that it will be 'worse' than what you are going through now...most people find it pretty brilliant really - or it wouldn't be such a popular activity!

    Sure it will be a challenge, sure you'll be knackered...but as others have said you won't feel sick like this anymore. That's a biggie.

    Our second one made my wife ill for all 41 weeks (sorry!) but came out as the most placid, cooperative baby ever, who slept like a log.

    And as for you having to cope with the baby all on your own at night? Mmmm...well...er...bollocks to that eh? As I'm sure he will understand. You will need your sleep just as much as he does, and you'll have earned it. I fed our three often at night using breast pump-expressed milk which we froze and then defrosted especially for night time use. It was lovely to be able to see my wife sleep, and it gave me time to feel like I was nourishing and tending my little baby too.

    Sure I was knackered, sure I was working...but so was my wife - damned hard - looking after our baby. And hey...I got over it!

    My standard response to this kind of 'advice' is "Yes Mother, whatever..."

    At least you get tomato plants though ;-)

    Hugs

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  17. Oh Ally :-( I wondered where my mother had gone for Easter! Hey maybe you're my long lost sister!!?

    Tough for you. You so don't need that.

    Here's the truth. Your experience of having a baby will be your own. It's impossible to imagine what it will be like, because well...it is. You'll know soon enough. But there is absolutely no reason to think that it will be 'worse' than what you are going through now...most people find it pretty brilliant really - or it wouldn't be such a popular activity!

    Sure it will be a challenge, sure you'll be knackered...but as others have said you won't feel sick like this anymore. That's a biggie.

    Our second one made my wife ill for all 41 weeks (sorry!) but came out as the most placid, cooperative baby ever, who slept like a log.

    And as for you having to cope with the baby all on your own at night? Mmmm...well...er...bollocks to that eh? As I'm sure he will understand. You will need your sleep just as much as he does, and you'll have earned it. I fed our three often at night using breast pump-expressed milk which we froze and then defrosted especially for night time use. It was lovely to be able to see my wife sleep, and it gave me time to feel like I was nourishing and tending my little baby too.

    Sure I was knackered, sure I was working...but so was my wife - damned hard - looking after our baby. And hey...I got over it!

    My standard response to this kind of 'advice' is "Yes Mother, whatever..."

    At least you get tomato plants though ;-)

    Hugs

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  18. What is it with mothers? For some reason as soon as their children are about to become parents themselves they come over all doom-mongery. I am glad I have a blog because it means when my time comes (in, say, 30 years' time, and assuming the web is still there and I have archives and am sufficiently non-senile to retrieve them) I will be able to remind myself what I needed from my parents and *not* be completely unhelpful and irritating. I hope.

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  19. What is it with mothers? For some reason as soon as their children are about to become parents themselves they come over all doom-mongery. I am glad I have a blog because it means when my time comes (in, say, 30 years' time, and assuming the web is still there and I have archives and am sufficiently non-senile to retrieve them) I will be able to remind myself what I needed from my parents and *not* be completely unhelpful and irritating. I hope.

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  20. Ignore her. I have threee kids and not one of them had the same sleep pattern, feeding pattern, likes, or whatever. They are different people.

    You Mum has granny-envy. My Mum has it because I lived 3 minutes from Granny but 300 miles from Nanna. She wants your baby next door so she can Granny it to bits.

    And while I'm at it - don't listen to ANYONE'S birth story. They don't have *your* vagina or *your* baby, so their experience will be nothing like yours!

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  21. Ignore her. I have threee kids and not one of them had the same sleep pattern, feeding pattern, likes, or whatever. They are different people.

    You Mum has granny-envy. My Mum has it because I lived 3 minutes from Granny but 300 miles from Nanna. She wants your baby next door so she can Granny it to bits.

    And while I'm at it - don't listen to ANYONE'S birth story. They don't have *your* vagina or *your* baby, so their experience will be nothing like yours!

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  22. Oh dear, that's really not what you need to hear :-( It's not true though. Honest.

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  23. Oh dear, that's really not what you need to hear :-( It's not true though. Honest.

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  24. Planting the tomatoes has made me feel a lot better :). Also, B has checked my bump with his ear trumpet and the baby hasn't gone away because I said I didn't want it; so that's good.

    The tomatoes are a mixture: mostly Moneymaker. But also Shirley, Vanessa and a couple of other girls names which I can't remember, one of which grows yellow ones. And I have some Gardener's Delight of my own.

    Cheryl - you may be right re the closeness thing - we have talked about how she would like to be closer and more involved. However, the move we were discussing with her over the weekend would put us a bit closer to her - not too much, about 30 minutes - but still. And she does have that 'need to be needed' thing. She is very good in a Total Crisis. But if it's only a Bit Of A Crisis she's a bit crap. Bless her. I do love her, although she drives me crazy. And her tomatoes are fab :).

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  25. Planting the tomatoes has made me feel a lot better :). Also, B has checked my bump with his ear trumpet and the baby hasn't gone away because I said I didn't want it; so that's good.

    The tomatoes are a mixture: mostly Moneymaker. But also Shirley, Vanessa and a couple of other girls names which I can't remember, one of which grows yellow ones. And I have some Gardener's Delight of my own.

    Cheryl - you may be right re the closeness thing - we have talked about how she would like to be closer and more involved. However, the move we were discussing with her over the weekend would put us a bit closer to her - not too much, about 30 minutes - but still. And she does have that 'need to be needed' thing. She is very good in a Total Crisis. But if it's only a Bit Of A Crisis she's a bit crap. Bless her. I do love her, although she drives me crazy. And her tomatoes are fab :).

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  26. Awe, shit, ally! That was awful and totally un-called for.

    You and B will cope beautifully, some times better than others, of course. But I find, babies do cope with new parents and survive.

    She is envious. Of course, she is worried, she's your mum. But... well... this was out of order, grrr.

    I agree, do not listen to any birth stories. At All. If you do hear anything that frightens you, please ask the Right People (including us, of course!)

    Can you have your anti-depressants via patch?

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  27. Awe, shit, ally! That was awful and totally un-called for.

    You and B will cope beautifully, some times better than others, of course. But I find, babies do cope with new parents and survive.

    She is envious. Of course, she is worried, she's your mum. But... well... this was out of order, grrr.

    I agree, do not listen to any birth stories. At All. If you do hear anything that frightens you, please ask the Right People (including us, of course!)

    Can you have your anti-depressants via patch?

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  28. We got loads of doom mongers telling us how crappy our lives were about to become - in the end every just got better.

    RE tiredness: The hormones released when breast feeding ensure that even 30 minutes sleep has the same effect as a good 6 hours. Debra said she never felt more rested than when she was breast feeding.

    It's amazing how quickly you and your baby will work out a good routine (routine is the key - babies love routine).

    Next time family members offer 'advice', pretend to go into labour.

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  29. We got loads of doom mongers telling us how crappy our lives were about to become - in the end every just got better.

    RE tiredness: The hormones released when breast feeding ensure that even 30 minutes sleep has the same effect as a good 6 hours. Debra said she never felt more rested than when she was breast feeding.

    It's amazing how quickly you and your baby will work out a good routine (routine is the key - babies love routine).

    Next time family members offer 'advice', pretend to go into labour.

    ReplyDelete