Saturday, 13 January 2007

rollercoaster

Oh bollockys bollocksy bollocks.

After all that positivity in the last post, I went and looked on the doormat for any letters that had come while we were away. And there was a letter from Social Services dated 8th Jan (ie, Monday, before we, and they, knew about the medicals happening). It is a very short letter from our adoption worker to arrange a home visit appointment on 27th February, 'to discuss our application'.

This is NOT good. We have been arranging appointments by phone, not letter and it's all been very informal. Appointments have been being arranged a couple of weeks apart - this is six weeks away.

We both felt as if we'd been punched in the stomach.

We were told just after New Year that our application was on hold until the medicals had been sorted out. I expect that this letter is because we weren't able to get them arranged immediately.

I am so angry. The chap at the doctor's surgery who arranges the appointments has basically been fucking us about for the last six or seven months. But from the vibe I've been getting off them for the last couple of months, I feel that Social Services have decided that we have some kind of agenda ourselves that has meant that we have not been pushing hard enough to get the appointments. They seem so paranoid about the fact that I'm on anti-depressant medication that I wouldn't put it past them to have decided that we have been delaying deliberately.

We can't find out what is behind the letter until Monday and are therefore set for a weekend of worrying and displacement activity.

This is a roller coaster. One minute everything is fine. The next minute everything is not fine.

Sally Social Worker told us a couple of months ago that because B's police checks were costing Social Services £200 a time and he was up to £1,400 so far, they might start asking us to pay for further ones. If they count the Budapest trip as work rather than a holiday (we are viewing it as a kind of paid holiday), then they are going to have to do checks for both of us, for the Netherlands, Germany, Austria and Hungary - those are the countries that we are staying in as we drive the van across Europe.

That is £1,600 that they might ask us to pay. And probably another six months fucking about waiting for Interpol or International Social Services or whoever it is to sort it out.

We do not have £1,600.

And in another six months, I will have finally chewed my own leg off.

This RIDICULOUS. I can't actually articulate how angry and upset and afraid I am.

There are all these children needing homes, families, parents, needing to get out of care.

And I feel that again and again and again we are being looked upon as guilty parties who need to prove our innocence in order to adopt them. And you know what? All these checks and things DON'T WORK.

Sally Social Worker has given us at least two examples that she knows of personally, where the adopters were checked rigourously by Social Services and a year or two later it turned out that the husbands had started sexually abusing the children, who had to be removed.

IT DOESN'T WORK. It's all lip-service to political correctness, to covering their own arses so that if we do turn out to be abusers, they can hold their hands up and say 'we did everything we could'.

IT DOESN'T WORK. They are putting us through this, making us ride this rollercoaster, playing with our emotions, making us feel defensive and as if we are somehow deficient, NOT for the best interests of the children, but for the best interests of FUCKING Social Services, so they won't get sued, or, shock, horror, even worse, pilloried in the media.

I have all this anger inside me and I don't know what to do to let it out.



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16 comments:

  1. Hopefully the letter is re the medicals and as they've now been done you can disregard it. Finger crossed.

    I don't have a solution for the Police Checks or their cost but if you want to let out anger try either strenuous physical activity (got any trees need cutting down?) or rant at us. That's what we're here for. xx

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  2. Hopefully the letter is re the medicals and as they've now been done you can disregard it. Finger crossed.

    I don't have a solution for the Police Checks or their cost but if you want to let out anger try either strenuous physical activity (got any trees need cutting down?) or rant at us. That's what we're here for. xx

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  3. Oh poor you - you're quite right: the system doesn't work, particularly when it makes good people like you and B feel you have to defend yourselves.

    It's them, not you.

    Fingers crossed for you.

    x

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  4. Oh poor you - you're quite right: the system doesn't work, particularly when it makes good people like you and B feel you have to defend yourselves.

    It's them, not you.

    Fingers crossed for you.

    x

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  5. It is somewhat amazing that any children get adopte throuh that system. Hopefully the letter is justa formality. Finger crossed for you

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  6. To me it seems like fraternity hazing, like they're trying to see how much indignity you'll put up with in order to have a child placed with you. I think it's sick, frankly. Due diligence is one thing; cruelty is another.

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  7. To me it seems like fraternity hazing, like they're trying to see how much indignity you'll put up with in order to have a child placed with you. I think it's sick, frankly. Due diligence is one thing; cruelty is another.

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  8. I would suggest writing a letter to the editor of the Times, or somesuch, but I would worry that it would hamper you further. Maybe write one that you can send off once you have a child in your arms?

    But you are perfectly correct. It doesn't help the children. I'm sure they do keep some undesirables away, but there's no way they can catch all of them, and they make it so frustrating that good people are put off.

    If we win a large enough lottery soon, I'll see what I can do about helping you grease some wheels, a la Madonna.:-)

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  9. I would suggest writing a letter to the editor of the Times, or somesuch, but I would worry that it would hamper you further. Maybe write one that you can send off once you have a child in your arms?

    But you are perfectly correct. It doesn't help the children. I'm sure they do keep some undesirables away, but there's no way they can catch all of them, and they make it so frustrating that good people are put off.

    If we win a large enough lottery soon, I'll see what I can do about helping you grease some wheels, a la Madonna.:-)

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  10. Keeping my fingers crossed that it is just a case of crossed wires and once they know the medicals have been done everything will be back on track.

    I have to agree with Jamie - it is awful that you are being put through all this when so many children need homes. I can see that they need to have measures in place to find the right people, but constantly raising the bar is just plain spiteful. Whatever happened to the ideas of compassion and common sense.

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  11. Keeping my fingers crossed that it is just a case of crossed wires and once they know the medicals have been done everything will be back on track.

    I have to agree with Jamie - it is awful that you are being put through all this when so many children need homes. I can see that they need to have measures in place to find the right people, but constantly raising the bar is just plain spiteful. Whatever happened to the ideas of compassion and common sense.

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  12. I often pop over here to see how your adoption application is coming on.

    If there is any off the record advice I could help you with do please e-mail me on cobblerjane@yahoo.co.uk. I am an adoption social worker and can maybe help you out with what sounds like a completely unreasonable amount of hassle you are currently under going. For a start off I never ever heard of anyone being asked to pay for CRB checks ...and my council is as cash strapped as any of them.

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  13. I often pop over here to see how your adoption application is coming on.

    If there is any off the record advice I could help you with do please e-mail me on cobblerjane@yahoo.co.uk. I am an adoption social worker and can maybe help you out with what sounds like a completely unreasonable amount of hassle you are currently under going. For a start off I never ever heard of anyone being asked to pay for CRB checks ...and my council is as cash strapped as any of them.

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  14. Nice one JJ.

    Ally, you really seem like the sort of person Interpol should be interested in.. Not.
    (Jesus H, whatever next..)

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  15. Nice one JJ.

    Ally, you really seem like the sort of person Interpol should be interested in.. Not.
    (Jesus H, whatever next..)

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  16. Thanks very much, JJ - I will have a chat with B when he gets home and drop you an email over the weekend. Very much appreciated.

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