Wednesday, 31 January 2007

return of the blob

Hormones are shite, aren't they? There you are, perfectly (well, reasonably) together, trundling along with your life, and all of a sudden, BOOM, there they are, batting you over the head with a biological imperative.

B should be *here*, protecting me from sabre tooth tigers, not swanning off to earn a crust in a way that doesn't involve throwing a spear.

Gah.

However. He has arranged to drive the truck to Budapest and then catch a plane back again, so he'll only be gone a few days, rather than just over two weeks. And I am inexpressably grateful to Stan's Cafe for being so fantastic about it all. Many companies, when faced with someone phoning up on the morning of a tour and saying "Is there any way I can not do this, because of my personal life", would reply "No. Fuck off". But they didn't.

I am going to have a whine now, so bear with me.

I am terrified.

I feel constantly sick, I feel tired, I feel crampy, I feel weepy. I am frightened of hospitals. I am frightened that I am going to have another miscarriage and B is not going to be here. I am frustrated that I cannot plant my own raspberry canes and clean out my own chickens. I am frightened because I wonder if that fact that I still can't quite believe what has happened will somehow make the baby miscarry. I am frightened because I know that I am not keeping up with the business paperwork that is my responsibility and therefore no invoices or cheques are being written. I am frightened that despite the doctor's reassurances, the escitalopram tablets I am on will affect the baby. I am frightened because at some point I am going to have to come off the escitalopram and there is strong possibilty that that will be quite a rough time. I am frightened because I am excited and I am happy and if I allow myself to be excited and happy then I know I am going to feel really, really terrible if anything goes wrong.

To sum up. I am not feeling quite myself.

However, I have found a baby blanket knitting pattern on knitty.com and I am going to have a crack at it.

And B has left me enough sausage casserole in the fridge to feed me until the weekend. Which will probably eventually become boring - but for which I am very grateful.

Tomorrow. Cheerful things. Maybe chicken photos. And how to intimidate your cockerel.


18 comments:

  1. God, I dunno Ally, I don't stop by for a little while, I come by today and you're freaking PREGNANT???? Holy cow. I missed that one.. WOW..

    That's really awesome. BIG HUGS to you.. Aw, I wish I could do that in person, that's so great, I'm so happy for you.. And in mild shock, lol..

    Hang in there. Hormones DO suck, don't they? Eeshh..

    Congratulations.
    People like you need to breed, far more than some people out there who pop out brats by the dozen, that you know will not do the world a whole lot of good. ~Like we all need more Britney Spearses..
    I am happy we'll be having more Ally and Bs around.. That's a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
  2. God, I dunno Ally, I don't stop by for a little while, I come by today and you're freaking PREGNANT???? Holy cow. I missed that one.. WOW..

    That's really awesome. BIG HUGS to you.. Aw, I wish I could do that in person, that's so great, I'm so happy for you.. And in mild shock, lol..

    Hang in there. Hormones DO suck, don't they? Eeshh..

    Congratulations.
    People like you need to breed, far more than some people out there who pop out brats by the dozen, that you know will not do the world a whole lot of good. ~Like we all need more Britney Spearses..
    I am happy we'll be having more Ally and Bs around.. That's a good thing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Darling Ally, I hope putting it down in words helped. It will get better. The first three months are the worst (sorry), the second are good, the last three are boring and fat, but happy, and every day that goes by makes your baby stronger.

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  4. I truly believe that it is unnatural for a pregnany woman not to worry, even if she's always had wonderfully healthy pregnancies. Just don't worry yourself sick. Morning sickness is bad enough by itself!

    I think good thoughts for you every day. I don't know if they help at all, but I'm trying to do my part!

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  5. I truly believe that it is unnatural for a pregnany woman not to worry, even if she's always had wonderfully healthy pregnancies. Just don't worry yourself sick. Morning sickness is bad enough by itself!

    I think good thoughts for you every day. I don't know if they help at all, but I'm trying to do my part!

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  6. We are here to be whined at if that's what you want. I so wish there was more I could do to be supportive than pat your cyber-hand and say "there, there".

    Rooting for you, big time. B will be back soon.

    There was good advice left earlier about midwives. Your local community midwife should look after you and ease your worries. Be well, babe.

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  7. We are here to be whined at if that's what you want. I so wish there was more I could do to be supportive than pat your cyber-hand and say "there, there".

    Rooting for you, big time. B will be back soon.

    There was good advice left earlier about midwives. Your local community midwife should look after you and ease your worries. Be well, babe.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I was about to ask for any escitalopram pills that you had left over if you stop taking them, but then I looked it up on Wikipedia. Crikey. Think I'll stick to the glue sniffing. But then I got to thinking, if one of the withdrawal symptoms is "electric shock sensations" then maybe with clever timing you could save yourself the cost of a TENS machine. It's just an idea. Not good? OK. Sorry.
    I won't pretend I can understand how you're feeling, since I have virtually no hormones, but I do sympathise. Having babies is so violently meatspace isn't it? When my partner was going through it I could hardly believe it was still allowed by the safety authorities.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I was about to ask for any escitalopram pills that you had left over if you stop taking them, but then I looked it up on Wikipedia. Crikey. Think I'll stick to the glue sniffing. But then I got to thinking, if one of the withdrawal symptoms is "electric shock sensations" then maybe with clever timing you could save yourself the cost of a TENS machine. It's just an idea. Not good? OK. Sorry.
    I won't pretend I can understand how you're feeling, since I have virtually no hormones, but I do sympathise. Having babies is so violently meatspace isn't it? When my partner was going through it I could hardly believe it was still allowed by the safety authorities.

    ReplyDelete
  10. that's a lovely lanket, and the knitting will keep your mind occuppied. The worrying- comes with the whole motherhood gig.

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  11. that's a lovely lanket, and the knitting will keep your mind occuppied. The worrying- comes with the whole motherhood gig.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Ally.

    In responce to you comment regarding Tuesday's blog I'm afraid to say I don't have my own blog.

    Yes the birth went really well, but not at Worthing. My wife developed Obstetric Cholisatis 3 weeks before her due date - we looked it up in a book and rung the delivery suite first thing on a saturday morning. They told us to come in on monday as they couldn't do blood tests at the weekend.

    We went to Brighton as they are the local neonatal intesive care unit and they were brilliant. They diagnosed OC straight away and arranged for an induction. My wife has a serious medical history which ment she needed some extra special care and Brighton were really adaptive and very proffessional.

    Our baby boy was born at 6.33pm on November the 19th weighing in at 7lbs. He's now an active/ screaming 10 week old!

    I've lodged our third formal complaint against Worthing for their complete incompetance, but I'm glad in a way that they were so bad up front, otherwise we'd have neve have gone to Brighton, who as I said were great. They aslo swiftly alaid my wife's fear the NHS were trying to kill her through negiligance.

    Thanks for asking...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Ally.

    In responce to you comment regarding Tuesday's blog I'm afraid to say I don't have my own blog.

    Yes the birth went really well, but not at Worthing. My wife developed Obstetric Cholisatis 3 weeks before her due date - we looked it up in a book and rung the delivery suite first thing on a saturday morning. They told us to come in on monday as they couldn't do blood tests at the weekend.

    We went to Brighton as they are the local neonatal intesive care unit and they were brilliant. They diagnosed OC straight away and arranged for an induction. My wife has a serious medical history which ment she needed some extra special care and Brighton were really adaptive and very proffessional.

    Our baby boy was born at 6.33pm on November the 19th weighing in at 7lbs. He's now an active/ screaming 10 week old!

    I've lodged our third formal complaint against Worthing for their complete incompetance, but I'm glad in a way that they were so bad up front, otherwise we'd have neve have gone to Brighton, who as I said were great. They aslo swiftly alaid my wife's fear the NHS were trying to kill her through negiligance.

    Thanks for asking...

    ReplyDelete
  14. Phew...I've been trying to comment on this ever since you wrote it, but Blogger has been thwarting me. I wanted to send you a hug and tell you that I am also quite taken with the Hoover blanket. I plan to knit it when my brother and his wife have a baby.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  15. Phew...I've been trying to comment on this ever since you wrote it, but Blogger has been thwarting me. I wanted to send you a hug and tell you that I am also quite taken with the Hoover blanket. I plan to knit it when my brother and his wife have a baby.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  16. Hey hon, just caught this post and wanted to send you a (((((big hug))))) Yes hormones are shite. I have a few of my own (perhaps some different ones to yours ;-))

    And he'll be back soon, you'll see...

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hey hon, just caught this post and wanted to send you a (((((big hug))))) Yes hormones are shite. I have a few of my own (perhaps some different ones to yours ;-))

    And he'll be back soon, you'll see...

    ReplyDelete