Wednesday, 20 September 2006

recumbent

The adoption meeting that was postponed from last week because we hadn't done enough homework was supposed to be this afternoon; but it's been pushed back again until tomorrow because our worker was in court with another one of her couples and it over-ran.

Between us we have written about five pages of close-set type defining our needs, how we meet them, how our relationship functions and how we will attempt to continue to meet our own needs if we have children placed with us.

I have also written a couple of pages about how I dealt with continuing to share student accommodation with the guy who date raped me, how I felt about that ("So. How did you feel about that, Ally?" "Well ... pretty pissed off, screwed up and angry, actually!"), and how I felt then about Ma not being able to cope with it; and how I feel about that now.

So quite straightforward and unemotive, really.

Not.

We have also been doing financial projections and updating the business plan, with a view to getting some finance for business development.

We are both exhausted and have drunk half a bottle of wine each in a vain attempt to promote sleep unpunctuated by dreams of being shut in small shower-rooms without a towel, pursued by and Evil Doctor Who played by David Bowie (me) and llamas (B).

Tomorrow: Pictures of sweet, sweet beer.

15 comments:

  1. What a headache! Important meetings are best got on with rather than being continually put back. Hope the wine helps.

    Llamas?

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  2. What a headache! Important meetings are best got on with rather than being continually put back. Hope the wine helps.

    Llamas?

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  3. The weird thing about ongoing bad situations is that feelings are a luxury, ones that you can only unwrap and examine after the fact.

    At the time, at least for me , the loss of power, the loss of any understanding of how the world works, well bizarrely its all quite calming in a sort of 'I'm so freaked I'd better just stay very still' kind of a way.

    Like a hypnotised chicken, something deep inside me might recognise the freefall and keep chanting 'ohshitohshitohshot' but the outer me goes into complete disassociation, almost lucky to be breathing and sod anything else; you know?

    Ridiculously I probably then present as a nicer, more amenable and ineffectual entity than the real me; its a great survival thing but runs at the cost of being able to call for help, a sort of 'playing dead'.

    I think. Oh dear.

    Thanks for such a soul scraping post and for sending me off on my own catharsis.

    Sorry to have catharted(!) all over your comments box. I'll just get me rubber gloves and come clean it up, ok?

    :-)

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  4. The weird thing about ongoing bad situations is that feelings are a luxury, ones that you can only unwrap and examine after the fact.

    At the time, at least for me , the loss of power, the loss of any understanding of how the world works, well bizarrely its all quite calming in a sort of 'I'm so freaked I'd better just stay very still' kind of a way.

    Like a hypnotised chicken, something deep inside me might recognise the freefall and keep chanting 'ohshitohshitohshot' but the outer me goes into complete disassociation, almost lucky to be breathing and sod anything else; you know?

    Ridiculously I probably then present as a nicer, more amenable and ineffectual entity than the real me; its a great survival thing but runs at the cost of being able to call for help, a sort of 'playing dead'.

    I think. Oh dear.

    Thanks for such a soul scraping post and for sending me off on my own catharsis.

    Sorry to have catharted(!) all over your comments box. I'll just get me rubber gloves and come clean it up, ok?

    :-)

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  5. Lord. Its the complete unemotional beurocratic request of intimate details that sounds so horrific. I know children need protecting, but there's got to be a better way!

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  6. Lord. Its the complete unemotional beurocratic request of intimate details that sounds so horrific. I know children need protecting, but there's got to be a better way!

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  7. Cheryl, you hit the nail on the head (as usual!). And you are welcome to cathart all over my comments box whenever you like.

    *hug*

    *passes rubber gloves*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Cheryl, you hit the nail on the head (as usual!). And you are welcome to cathart all over my comments box whenever you like.

    *hug*

    *passes rubber gloves*

    ReplyDelete
  9. Steg, BoT - I was wanting to get it out of the way, we've both been pretty stressed out about it. It's the attempt to quantify the unquantifiable I think, that makes it all so painful. And the fact that with every question we are asked or every personal fact that we are asked to elucidate a bit more about, we are achingly conscious of trying to appear 'normal'. What *is* normal?

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  10. Steg, BoT - I was wanting to get it out of the way, we've both been pretty stressed out about it. It's the attempt to quantify the unquantifiable I think, that makes it all so painful. And the fact that with every question we are asked or every personal fact that we are asked to elucidate a bit more about, we are achingly conscious of trying to appear 'normal'. What *is* normal?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Evil David Bowie Dr. Who! Life doesn't get any better than that. Shut me in the shower with him as soon as you like. :)

    Btw, have been meaning to say that something about your site appears to be making Firefox crash sometimes for me. Not sure why, but just wondered if anyone else has encountered similar problems...

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  12. Evil David Bowie Dr. Who! Life doesn't get any better than that. Shut me in the shower with him as soon as you like. :)

    Btw, have been meaning to say that something about your site appears to be making Firefox crash sometimes for me. Not sure why, but just wondered if anyone else has encountered similar problems...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Poor you :-(

    I agree with your comment to Steg, what is normal! And who is anyone to decide?

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  14. Poor you :-(

    I agree with your comment to Steg, what is normal! And who is anyone to decide?

    ReplyDelete