Monday, 25 September 2006

baby crises #1 - #3

The adoption meeting then. Finally.

We've had another crazy-but-nice weekend, catching up with some old friends at a wedding near Silchester. Because of the Chicken Parenting Issues, we had to leave straight away on Sunday morning; but we took half an hour to have a look at the Roman walls, because B had never been. It's an amazing place if you can ever get to visit. The site reeks of age; and also stillness and peace.

It was very, very nice to get away for a while and just chill out together, without having to worry about work, business plans and adoption; although - the meeting in the week went much, much better than previous ones. (See how I segued in smoothly there?!). Although we did spend some of the evening meal swapping Comedy Conception Stories with a friend of a friend who is four months pregnant after trying Clomid for a month. Which I really enjoyed, wierdly. Nice to know that there are other people out there.

I was much less stressed in the adoption meeting this time, and much less defensive. And I think our worker was more relaxed as well. She was very pleased with our homework; and we were able to articulate how frustrated and angry we had become without making her feel as if it was her that we were directing our emotions at. I think that that was part of the problem last session.

So we discussed the things that we had prepared for her; and then we moved on to talk about other things.  For example;  how we make decisions in the relationship; our attitude to education; family traditions; how we'd felt about not being able to conceive naturally.

It felt like we'd covered an enormous amount of ground.

Even more so when we came home and looked at our list of homework for this week again. Before we meet again in a month - after B gets back from Australia - we have to expand on the hobbies and activities our family undertakes as a group; our day to day and weekend activities - when do we fit in cleaning, shopping, gardening? We also have to demonstrate that we understand and value Diversity; and demonstrate our parenting capacity.

Oh, and it goes without saying that another quite big chunk of the session was "The Crisis Management Game!!!! With Bigger and Better and More Impossible to Visualise Crises!!!!"

We seem to play this every session. Possibly because we aren't giving her the answers that she needs to demonstrate that we are aware of what we are getting in to.

With apologies to anyone who does this as a job - it is ridiculous. We make up possible crisies. And then we say how we would deal with them.

I asked for one or two examples to help me with my examples. If you see what I mean. So we thrashed out the following:

Crisis One - "Nose Jamming Choking Babies"
Child One has jammed something up it's nose. Simultaneously, for effect, Child Two has stuck it's fingers down it's throat and it turning blue. I am on my own in the house. What do I do?

Crisis Two - "Chicken Pox Toilet Blocking Vomiting Flu Babies"
Child One has blocked the toilet up with paper. There is water all over the place. Child One has gone flying on the slippery floor and knocked itself out cold. Child Two is very young and has chicken pox and is vomiting and is very contaigous. I feel really ill with flu, B is away at work (it is ALWAYS B who is 'away at work' - 'in hospital with a broken toe' - 'run away to join the circus', never me - equal opportunities?! Fuck 'em! Ahem). What would I do?

Crisis Three - "Arm Cutting Chair Throwing Fire Engine Football Babies"
Child One is eight. It is severely disturbed and is throwing chairs at me, and has broken a glass and is starting to cut itself; and threatening anyone who gets close. Child Two is a bit younger and is choking on a toy fire engine. Child Three has to be at football practise in twenty minutes. Again, B is away. The bastard.

I know that these are serious, potential events. I know things like this happen in a worst-case-scenario type situation. I know that they are trying to get us to think around the subject, plan ahead, explore our feeling etc. etc.. But how the hell can you give an honest assessment about what you would do until you are in the thick of it?

And let us just step back for a moment and look at the TV Sitcom (or even a well researched, heart-strings tugging drama) about each of the above - of course providing that the Adoptive Parents reacted in an appropriate manner and everything turned out fine.

This time, we are responding by laughing about it all as a hoop we have to jump through rather than getting pissed off; at the same time as researching the locations of the local A&E and digging out our First Aid certificates.

Oh, also, we need to borrow some kids to practice on. So if anyone would like to get rid of theirs for a weekend, do please let us know.

Tomorrow: Vote-O-Rama! How mad is a person if approximately ten weeks after moving house she starts thinking that she would like to move house again? To a VERY dilapidated farmhouse with two and a half acres (goats!) and an orchard a couple of miles further up the hill?

22 comments:

  1. Great to hear that you had a nice, relaxing weekend. Everyone needs them sometimes.

    Oh dear, the "Crisis Management Game". Start with the life-threatening ones and work down. Be prepared for this sort of thing to lurk in your subconscious and pounce on you in the wee small hours. If you wake up with a start thinking "My God! What will I do if child #1 has found the machine gun and is peering down the barrel while child #2 has climbed up on the roof, slipped and is hanging on by one toenail?"
    Every prospective parent has a burst of this sort of thing and it's nothing like the real thing(s). Although having said that I have come close to crisis #2!

    I'm sure you'll be fine. Parenting is mostly common sense and patience so start trying to fake both of those and things will be well.

    I'm not sure Wife would appreciate my loaning the kids out but I'm sure we could work out some kind of reasonable hourly hire rate ;)

    How mad? Hopefully not mad enough to have mentioned it to her partner...

    ReplyDelete
  2. Great to hear that you had a nice, relaxing weekend. Everyone needs them sometimes.

    Oh dear, the "Crisis Management Game". Start with the life-threatening ones and work down. Be prepared for this sort of thing to lurk in your subconscious and pounce on you in the wee small hours. If you wake up with a start thinking "My God! What will I do if child #1 has found the machine gun and is peering down the barrel while child #2 has climbed up on the roof, slipped and is hanging on by one toenail?"
    Every prospective parent has a burst of this sort of thing and it's nothing like the real thing(s). Although having said that I have come close to crisis #2!

    I'm sure you'll be fine. Parenting is mostly common sense and patience so start trying to fake both of those and things will be well.

    I'm not sure Wife would appreciate my loaning the kids out but I'm sure we could work out some kind of reasonable hourly hire rate ;)

    How mad? Hopefully not mad enough to have mentioned it to her partner...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sorry you have to go through all that. It sounds like hell (and, from here at least, utterly ludicrous).
    Goats!! I am already enormously envious of your chickens, if you you get goats I will arrive on your doorstep unannounced (child in tow for practise purposes) and demand access.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm sorry you have to go through all that. It sounds like hell (and, from here at least, utterly ludicrous).
    Goats!! I am already enormously envious of your chickens, if you you get goats I will arrive on your doorstep unannounced (child in tow for practise purposes) and demand access.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I heartily agree with the sentiment that you cannot possibly know what to do or how you will do it until you are in one of those incredibly bizarre (but, sure, possible) situations. I would hope that we'd leave the bean up the nose until the fingers had been extricated from the throat, though.

    I also would be very envious of your goats. I want goats and chickens and bees! But I certainly wouldn't want to move again already.

    My husband has graciously offered our three little monkeys (8, 6, and fifteen months, so a good range!) for a whole week, once we figure out the travel arrangements.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I heartily agree with the sentiment that you cannot possibly know what to do or how you will do it until you are in one of those incredibly bizarre (but, sure, possible) situations. I would hope that we'd leave the bean up the nose until the fingers had been extricated from the throat, though.

    I also would be very envious of your goats. I want goats and chickens and bees! But I certainly wouldn't want to move again already.

    My husband has graciously offered our three little monkeys (8, 6, and fifteen months, so a good range!) for a whole week, once we figure out the travel arrangements.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I can't see how Gaffer Tape wouldn't be the solution to all the Crisis Scenarios you mention, and who's better qualified than you to deploy it? These scanarios would only seem difficult to someone who hadn't worked with theatricals. I can think of harder ones caused by living in the country.

    Crisis One: Child A has met an Earl's son at Young Farmers and wants to marry him, the family are naturally vile. Child B has fallen in with a bad crowd and wants to stand as a parliamentary candidate for UKIP.

    Crisis Two: Child A needs picking up from a pop concert in a county town twenty miles away. Child B needs the horse-box (that's right!) towing to a three day event in Shrewsbury. B is busy making cakes for the village fete and you are caught on barbed wire.

    Crisis Three: Child A has dug itself into a tunnel under a proposed sixty house development but child C has got a job manning the bulldozers while child B has secretly accessed your computer and invested your pension fund in the development company.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I can't see how Gaffer Tape wouldn't be the solution to all the Crisis Scenarios you mention, and who's better qualified than you to deploy it? These scanarios would only seem difficult to someone who hadn't worked with theatricals. I can think of harder ones caused by living in the country.

    Crisis One: Child A has met an Earl's son at Young Farmers and wants to marry him, the family are naturally vile. Child B has fallen in with a bad crowd and wants to stand as a parliamentary candidate for UKIP.

    Crisis Two: Child A needs picking up from a pop concert in a county town twenty miles away. Child B needs the horse-box (that's right!) towing to a three day event in Shrewsbury. B is busy making cakes for the village fete and you are caught on barbed wire.

    Crisis Three: Child A has dug itself into a tunnel under a proposed sixty house development but child C has got a job manning the bulldozers while child B has secretly accessed your computer and invested your pension fund in the development company.

    ReplyDelete
  9. If a child is choking because his fingers are down hs throat, simply remove the fingers from the throat. Anyhing up the nose can be handled at the local casualty department.

    Honestly Ally, as if all of these things are going to happen at once!

    Although Crisis Two is the most realistic of them all. The worst accidents always happen when mum is ill and dad is away.

    But still, loads and loads of good luck with it all!

    ReplyDelete
  10. If a child is choking because his fingers are down hs throat, simply remove the fingers from the throat. Anyhing up the nose can be handled at the local casualty department.

    Honestly Ally, as if all of these things are going to happen at once!

    Although Crisis Two is the most realistic of them all. The worst accidents always happen when mum is ill and dad is away.

    But still, loads and loads of good luck with it all!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Completely irrelevant but just choked on my coffee at two of your recent referrers:

    Google: fat elvis costume
    Google: red wine ankles swell

    I must have missed the post in which you've been swanning around in a "Fat Elvis costume"!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Completely irrelevant but just choked on my coffee at two of your recent referrers:

    Google: fat elvis costume
    Google: red wine ankles swell

    I must have missed the post in which you've been swanning around in a "Fat Elvis costume"!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Steg - Fat Elvis was a long time ago :). Unfortunately, the red wine ankles swelling happens on a regular basis. This evening's winner though, is 'Sexual Laminating'. What?????!

    Ditdotdat, thank you for those. They made both B and me spit out tea out over the keyboard :).

    Everyone else - thank you very much for the offer of children/good wishes. I will be making a spreadsheet rota out later in the week and emailing it out :).

    ReplyDelete
  14. Steg - Fat Elvis was a long time ago :). Unfortunately, the red wine ankles swelling happens on a regular basis. This evening's winner though, is 'Sexual Laminating'. What?????!

    Ditdotdat, thank you for those. They made both B and me spit out tea out over the keyboard :).

    Everyone else - thank you very much for the offer of children/good wishes. I will be making a spreadsheet rota out later in the week and emailing it out :).

    ReplyDelete
  15. Is that woman trying to scare you out of adopting? Firts of all, I had three children and none of that stuff happened. Except for the chicken pox which 2 of them had in the very normal way. Of course there are "crsis" situations. You handle them and move on. I am surprised that anyone gets through ths process. Meanwhile adoptable children are waiting. I also can't help but think that people who become parents naturally are not given a test. Although perhaps they should be.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Is that woman trying to scare you out of adopting? Firts of all, I had three children and none of that stuff happened. Except for the chicken pox which 2 of them had in the very normal way. Of course there are "crsis" situations. You handle them and move on. I am surprised that anyone gets through ths process. Meanwhile adoptable children are waiting. I also can't help but think that people who become parents naturally are not given a test. Although perhaps they should be.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Well, that person is only mad if....

    a) the 2-acre place is more expensive than current house

    b) current house could not easily be sold

    c)2-acre place would require more spending on it than could be achieved in re-sale price, irrespective of whether or not one would want to move after the money had been spent.

    Make sense? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  18. Well, that person is only mad if....

    a) the 2-acre place is more expensive than current house

    b) current house could not easily be sold

    c)2-acre place would require more spending on it than could be achieved in re-sale price, irrespective of whether or not one would want to move after the money had been spent.

    Make sense? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  19. I agree with Star and Mrs Mac, none of those things are going to happen. In all my years as a parent, none of those things occured, except the chicken pox. Number Five Son did swallow a battery when I had a migraine (no he wasn't a toddler, he was 9, long story) but that was about as bad as things got.

    And trust me, if Child A has a bean stuck up his nose, Child B is going to be more interested in trying to peer at it. Kids are fascinated by anything like that.

    Anyhow, glad to hear this meeting went well. Good luck with the rest of the process! I would lend you a couple of mine, but I think they are all past the age you are probably looking for (darn)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I agree with Star and Mrs Mac, none of those things are going to happen. In all my years as a parent, none of those things occured, except the chicken pox. Number Five Son did swallow a battery when I had a migraine (no he wasn't a toddler, he was 9, long story) but that was about as bad as things got.

    And trust me, if Child A has a bean stuck up his nose, Child B is going to be more interested in trying to peer at it. Kids are fascinated by anything like that.

    Anyhow, glad to hear this meeting went well. Good luck with the rest of the process! I would lend you a couple of mine, but I think they are all past the age you are probably looking for (darn)

    ReplyDelete
  21. Thanks for reminding me of why I haven't got kids.. lol
    The one with the bean up it's nose sounds a lot like my mum, she used to do that type if thing frequently. Not to worry you, but they are out there. I have one for a mum. Not sure she's done it recently, but I wouldn't be surprised.

    And more often than not in our house, it would be Robert with the bean up his nose, while the cat brings up a ahirball on my pillow at 3am, and me out of the house.. quickly. ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Thanks for reminding me of why I haven't got kids.. lol
    The one with the bean up it's nose sounds a lot like my mum, she used to do that type if thing frequently. Not to worry you, but they are out there. I have one for a mum. Not sure she's done it recently, but I wouldn't be surprised.

    And more often than not in our house, it would be Robert with the bean up his nose, while the cat brings up a ahirball on my pillow at 3am, and me out of the house.. quickly. ;-)

    ReplyDelete