Thursday, 3 August 2006

converations with my mother #060803

[Ring ring ...]

Me: Hello, it's only me.
Ma: Hello dear, wait a minute while I get the walk-about telephone ...
Me: [ ]
Ma: There, that's better, I've just given Foxy his tea and now I need to give him his injection. But I expect I can talk to you while I'm doing that.
Me: [ ]
Ma: Oh. Stand still Foxy, there's a good boy.
Me: [ ]
Ma: Blast. Here. Speak to your father while I sort this out.
Me: [ ]
Ma: Here. Speak to your daughter.
Pa: [slightly plaintively] But I'm having my tea!
Me: [ ]
Pa: Hello! Can you hear me? I can't hear you ...
Me: Yes, I can hear you. How are you?
Pa: I can't hear you very well ...
Ma: [in background] Just stand still for a minute Foxy, while I get the needle in ...
Me: Have you switched your hearing aid to 'Telephone'?
Pa: Pardon?
Me: Your hearing aid. Have you switched it to 'Telephone'?
Pa: I can't hear you very well. What have you rung for?
Me: We thought we might come down for a few days on Monday.
Pa: Oh, well, you'll have to speak to your mother about that.
Pa: [to Ma] They think they might come down for a few days on Monday.
Ma: [in background] Monday? Monday? Blast! Foxy, stand STILL!
Me: Only if you're not busy, of course.
Pa: Here, speak to your mother ...
Me: [ ]
Ma: There, that's done. What were you saying?
Me: We though we might come down on Monday.
Ma: How did your scan go?
Me: No problems. I've got hayfever today though.
Ma: Have you taken anything for it? Has it made your drowsy?
Me: [ ]
Ma: I've not done any work today. All the Pick Your Own people keep coming in and I can't leave the house.
Me: [ ]
Ma: Edwin, would you like pate, or cheese?
Edwin: [in background] Ooooo, a moite of cheese, I think moi dearr.
Ma: Quite right, we've put the pate away for today.
Ma: And I've had to had the dog sewn up again.
Me: [   ]
Ma: The wound is getting smaller, but she still keeps coming apart. And her lampshade keeps bumping on my legs; it's quite painful.
Me: I'll ring you tomorrow shall I? I can hear that you're having your tea.
Ma: No, no, it's fine, I'm sitting down now, I can eat and talk to you.
Me: Ah, B's just calling me to help with our tea. Speak to you tomorrow! See you Monday! Bye!

[I hang up]

15 comments:

  1. The distant knocking I could hear was you banging your head against a wall, then?

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  2. As a parental conversation that sounds quite normal. Your point is...

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  3. At least it didn't include anecdotes about the need to hide washing from house-sitters in one's absence due to said washing including ONE'S GIRLFRIEND'S BRA. My brain is burning.

    Good luck with the hayfever...

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  4. At least it didn't include anecdotes about the need to hide washing from house-sitters in one's absence due to said washing including ONE'S GIRLFRIEND'S BRA. My brain is burning.

    Good luck with the hayfever...

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  5. Oh that sounds so familiar - Its comforting to know others have similar strange conversations with their parents although what doens worry me is that I too may end up having conversations like that with my daughter

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  6. Brilliant, hilarious, I could read that all day. Will you do a coffee table book?

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  7. Someday your book, Conversations With My Mother, will be a best seller.

    I have just caught up with the last several days. Glad there are no cysts, and sorry about the hay fever.

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  8. Someday your book, Conversations With My Mother, will be a best seller.

    I have just caught up with the last several days. Glad there are no cysts, and sorry about the hay fever.

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  9. Perfect!

    You need to meet my mother. Or maybe not. ;-)

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  10. Perfect!

    You need to meet my mother. Or maybe not. ;-)

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  11. I agree that sounds pretty normal - throw in snippets of news about people you don't know and that could be a conversation with my Mother LOL

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  12. I agree that sounds pretty normal - throw in snippets of news about people you don't know and that could be a conversation with my Mother LOL

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  13. I've almost given putting in the anecdotes about people I don't know, because they are all so eccentric that they are immediately identifiable.

    *goes off to design cover art for coffee-table book* ...

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  14. I've almost given putting in the anecdotes about people I don't know, because they are all so eccentric that they are immediately identifiable.

    *goes off to design cover art for coffee-table book* ...

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  15. This post just made me laugh and laugh; then I forwarded to my sister so she could see we are not alone in our affliction. We have a theory it has something to do with having 2 children too close together - she never got to regain sanity in between then it was gone forever.

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