Friday, 16 June 2006

stream of invective

Blinkin' panic attacks.

I didn't make it out the door this morning, despite spending yesterday afternoon masterfully (mistressfully?) editing PowerPoint slide transitions and sorting out 'presenter view' on the three laptops involved.

Here's a question for you ... . Should I stop even TRYING to be a functional member of the business in this fashion? I can't be relied upon.

As it happens, in this particular case it doesn't have an impact - there are plenty of other people to rig and operate and B is a very good PowerPoint operator.

But one day, I will commit to something that *doesn't* have enough of our crew on to bail me out of the shit without our client noticing; and that will be that.

The whole 'dealing with panic' ethos is to keep plugging away at stuff you CAN do and once you're successful with that, move on to something else. Like, if you have a fear of heights, keep on going up to floor one of the multi-story carpark until you're comfortable looking over the edge; and then move on to floor two.

Difficult to do that with stuff like this though.

I was panicky about it last night and talked it over with B. We decided that it was better that I made a decision not to go then; rather than be making that decision at 5.30 AM this morning and getting really distressed and beating myself up about it.

So that's what I did - with the idea that if I *did* then decide to go, it would be a postive decision rather than a negative one.

Still not great, though. I have a crescendo migraine, my right arm isn't working very well and I am going back to bed.

Grumpy at myself, but not distraught probably sums it up.

Buggeration.

15 comments:

  1. In absence of constructive suggestions may I offer chocolate, hugs and unconditional support?

    You might find that when your move goes through, the whole "countryside thing" helps with the panic attacks.

    Keep your chin up hon, at least that keeps your airways clear!

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. In absence of constructive suggestions may I offer chocolate, hugs and unconditional support?

    You might find that when your move goes through, the whole "countryside thing" helps with the panic attacks.

    Keep your chin up hon, at least that keeps your airways clear!

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  3. :{ Returning the favour of yestereen Iam around if you want a natter. :{

    ReplyDelete
  4. Is it possible to make a contingency plan for each event, i.e., if you can't make it, xyz will happen? Knowing that there is an alternative to your being there might lighten the load on your mind.

    At any rate, bravo for trying to focus on the positive. I can't know what it's like to have panic attacks, but I can admire you for doing so much despite having them. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Is it possible to make a contingency plan for each event, i.e., if you can't make it, xyz will happen? Knowing that there is an alternative to your being there might lighten the load on your mind.

    At any rate, bravo for trying to focus on the positive. I can't know what it's like to have panic attacks, but I can admire you for doing so much despite having them. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  6. Well, you can only take things as they come. When the missus and I were runing a charity operation to organise articulated lorries of goodies to go out to orphanages in Eastern Europe I used to suffer huge panic attacks on the eve of such events. We got into a mechanism of sorting it out the night before, just like you and then if I woke up and felt up for it; then I'd go.

    All in all, nothing to beat yourself up over. You've got other magnificent qualitites that more than make up for it.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well, you can only take things as they come. When the missus and I were runing a charity operation to organise articulated lorries of goodies to go out to orphanages in Eastern Europe I used to suffer huge panic attacks on the eve of such events. We got into a mechanism of sorting it out the night before, just like you and then if I woke up and felt up for it; then I'd go.

    All in all, nothing to beat yourself up over. You've got other magnificent qualitites that more than make up for it.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I think you are doing well under the circumstances.

    I hope the migraine clears soon.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think you are doing well under the circumstances.

    I hope the migraine clears soon.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hi sweetie. Many moons ago, I was medically diagnosed with agoraphobia. I absolutely couldn't go to the top of the stairs without a major panic attack. Had to quit work, the full 9 yards. ANYway, after being diagnosed, I was offered a place in a group therapy thing. I thought it would be awful, but it wasn't. The group were all aggies, led by the local - hmm - whatever. A nice woman anyway. She came and collected me from my flat, took me for car drives, and eventually, I was back at work and functioning in the outside world again. If you want more details, mail me privately

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hi sweetie. Many moons ago, I was medically diagnosed with agoraphobia. I absolutely couldn't go to the top of the stairs without a major panic attack. Had to quit work, the full 9 yards. ANYway, after being diagnosed, I was offered a place in a group therapy thing. I thought it would be awful, but it wasn't. The group were all aggies, led by the local - hmm - whatever. A nice woman anyway. She came and collected me from my flat, took me for car drives, and eventually, I was back at work and functioning in the outside world again. If you want more details, mail me privately

    ReplyDelete
  12. Panic attacks, been there, done that - sometimes revisit ;o)

    Feel free to email me if you ever want to let off steam on the subject - always a shoulder here :o)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Panic attacks, been there, done that - sometimes revisit ;o)

    Feel free to email me if you ever want to let off steam on the subject - always a shoulder here :o)

    ReplyDelete