Saturday, 22 April 2006

polished todgers

So. We have a New Polish Lodger.

He phoned on Tuesday morning to ask if he could come and look at the room. Came and looked at it Tuesday lunchtime and moved in Tuesday night.

So far we haven't seen much of him, but he seems clean, quiet and friendly in a 'restricted English' kind of way. And the cats seem to quite like him, which I think is always a good indication.

We have had a few people come and look at the other room, but no-one that we feel comfortable sharing with. This afternoon, two people are coming to look. A Scouse lad who is in the middle of an emotional break-up with his girlfriend and 'needs somewhere quick'; and a young Polish woman who is working with children with autism.

I am already preferring the second candidate - I don't fancy getting involved in someone's potentially messy relationship break up. And the girlfriend is living literally just around the corner from here, which is therefore within easy standing-on-our-step and screeching-with-grubby-baby-on-hip distance. Not a difficult choice, we have decided, but it did seem only fair to meet him and be judgemental in person.

Speaking of being judgemental, do you remember Steg's REPREHENSIBLE suggestion that I should go through all of Semi-Invisible Lodger's things while he was away and then publish the results on the internet?


Here goes.

He was supposed to be sending us a cheque before he went on holiday for all the rent due up until that point. In fact he phoned to let me know that is what would be happening and to arrange for a colleague to come round and collect his portable DVD player so that his kids could use it on the long drive to their holiday destination.

Hey, listen ... ! Can you hear that sound ... ?

That's the ringing of alarm bells in my head.

DVD player handed over to colleague.

Semi-Invisible Family all on holiday for a fortnight.

No cheque.

So I texted him and asked him where it was.

No reply for five days.

Then a text saying that there was a problem with his employers paying his expenses and he would therefore be moving out; but all our monies would be met in full soon.

I would like to copy the Great Kitchen Witch at this point and expostulate: "GAH!"

No communication was forthcoming when he had told us he was due back from holiday, so about the middle of last week I sent him a text saying "Hello. What would you like us to do with your stuff?".

Which, as anyone who has ever flitted from rented accommodation will know, is code for "If you don't pay me, I am going to sell your pitiful DVD collection on eBay".

No response.

So B packed all his things in to a box, including (this is the good bit), his copies of 'Snowboarding Monthly', which turned out to be a handy cover for his comprehensive collection of 'Escort' and 'Fiesta'.

Lovely. And what a good job that I put that mattress protector on.

We put the box under the stairs until we had head-space to think about it.

Last night he phoned B's mobile while we were in a pub having a bite to eat on the way back from reccying possible 'moving to Wales' places.

He is not such a complete nobber as I thought.

He has had massive trauma getting his expenses out of his employers, as well as a whole job-universe moving around him while he was away on holiday thing. He had waited until he found out what was going on with the money before he got back in touch with us - I'd have preferred a holding response, but I can see his thinking. He's transferring the monies he owes us over to our bank by direct transfer and he's going to come and get his stuff (and potentially go out for a 'no hard feelings' beer) once the money has cleared.

He was grovellingly apologetic.

And even more so when I called out "Ask him if I can have his Snowboarding Magazines!" while B was talking to him.

Apparently he exclaimed "She hasn't looked inside them, has she?!".

Cue collapse of Ally and B in mature giggles.

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