I am slowly clawing my way back up the slope. B has forwarded the home phone on to his mobile, the builders are having a few days on another job, a few friends have contacted me in a low-key way to see how I am and I am feeling protected from the world and safe.
Things I have achieved today:
- getting dressed, including my shoes (a la FlyLady, which I am becoming both obsessed with and terrified by)
- a minimal amount of filing control in the office - paying in cheques, paying out cheques, invoicing
- fairly regular, fairly healthy eating, if you don't count the Biggest Pie In The World
- going to the post-office to buy stamps (an enormous effort, although it's only at the top of the road)
- preparing something for tea. Okay, it's only tomato sauce, to go with pasta, but it's from REAL tomatoes :)
I still feel like shit, terribly exhausted, but at least I no longer feel as if I want to take steps to send myself to sleep and never wake up. B's made me an appointment with the GP on Friday to see if he can offer any other solutions and I guess I need to try to start exercising a bit more and try to start meditating again.
In them meantime, we are having a few people round for a party on Friday night, for B's birthday. I have nothing to organise, other people are doing it all, so I can relax in to it and enjoy it; if I'm not enjoying it, I can go to bed. We considered calling it off, but came to the conclusion that it will give me something to think about and will probably be distracting.
Also, I have a new teapot. It pours beautifully and I am entranced :).