Monday, 5 September 2005

my lute be still

So, being back home is nice. But it has it's downside.

Before we went away we had a discussion about how I was coping without the anti-depressants. Our conclusion was that although I was a lot better than I had been before I went on them, depression has gradually been creeping up on me again since I stopped taking them. We thought this might have been due to stress - work, Polish Lodgers, bathroom renovations etc. etc.. So we decided that we would see how I felt while we were away and when we got back; and if I wasn't significantly better, we'd go back to the doctor.

On Wednesday, we went back to the doctor.

I am back on anti-depressants.

Because the adoption agency we have been in discussions with has a policy of not considering as an adopter anyone who is on, or who has recently stopped taking anti-depressants, I need to telephone them to let them know.

I am feeling pretty reluctant to do this, but I guess I'll get round to it in a day or two.

Apparently one gets the best results from these anti-depressants if one stays on them for eighteen months to two years.

It is ironic that whilst I am taking the tablets I am fine. No sadness, no feelings of not coping, no irrational thoughts. I am a perfectly functional human being.

It appears that when I stop taking the tablets, I can perm up to three of the above at any one time.

  • To adopt I need to be funtioning properly.
  • To function properly, I need to take the tablets.
  • To adopt I need to be not taking the tablets.
  • One of the reasons I become sad and stressed is that we do not have a family of our own.
  • To help manage these feelings I need to take the tablets.
  • To adopt a family of our own, I need to be not taking the tablets.

And so it goes round.

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