Monday, 19 September 2005

continuing saga

I don't feel I'm on very good blog form at the moment. The options are:

  1. Keep blogging about stuff that's happening so I don't get out of the habit, and risk depressing everyone so much they stop reading, OR
  2. Stop for a bit, which I don't really want to do, as I'm finding it relatively therapeutic. Sorry. Bear with me.

Aunty Kate's daughter-in-law, Kerry, has been on the phone a couple of times this morning. She wants Aunty Kate's birth certificate details so that they can register the death - no problem, neither B nor I have an issue with going through Aunty Kate's things. There is now NOT going to be a post-mortem and her body is waiting at the hospital until it can be released to the undertaker.

The problem is that there are no instructions about Aunty Kate's wishes for her burial or cremation or funeral service in any of the papers that I can find. They are either in her will, which I feel it is not my place to look for, or they are in Kate's head, which is still in Greece and not accessible either.

Kerry is hassling me about finding out the details of the solicitor who wrote her will, as she knows that Aunty Kate had met with one. She virtually asked me if I would look through Kate and Vic's papers to see if was there.

I don't want to. Partly because I don't think Kate and Vic would want me to go through their papers - it has to be me, as B has gone away working for a few days. And partly because I know that there were issues with Aunty Kate making a will - she wanted her house to be split between the grandchildren and not go to her son Harry. I am not sure whether a will was written by the solicitor in the end or whether Aunty Kate did one by herself. But anyway, neither B nor I want to get any more involved that we are already.

I think that Kerry is also looking for someone to blame about the death. I know people often do as a way of dealing with their grief. But much as I might disapprove of Kate and Vic not leaving any contact details, I am not prepared to say that to Kerry and get in the middle of (or trigger) another family feud.

The other issue that has transpired is that on the day Kate and Vic left for holiday, a friend of the family took Aunty Kate for her specialist appointment at the hospital and she was diagnosed as having lukemia. The friend told the care home this but it looks as if they did not inform the doctor who was called out to Aunty Kate three days before she died. B and I didn't know and neither did her son and daughter-in-law. The letter confirming the diagnosis has only just arrived in the post.

Kerry wants to speak to the family friend. The family friend doesn't want to speak to her. I am stuck in the middle, telling fibs about not being able to find address books.

It's a mess.

I am pretty distressed and confused about all these things that are known or unknown, so goodness knows what Aunty Kate's actual family must be feeling.

Everything is on hold until Thursday.

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