Thursday, 7 July 2005

support networks

Yesterday we filled in the form from the adoption agency and posted it back to them. It feels strange - exciting, and scary at the same time, as if we have just stepped on to the top of a helter-skelter.

By co-incidence, the Baby Catalogue (The BAAF monthly 'Be My Parent' magazine, so named by my friend Tessa) came yesterday as well. This month is one of the alternating months that it contains extended articles. This edition's topic was about people who have adopted sibling groups. It prompted us to have a long chat about what exactly we do and don't want to happen.

It transpires that we are both anxious about maintaining our relationship with each other and not letting that get completely subsumed in the needs of the children. B finally articulated his concerns that three kids will make that too much of a challenge. He's voiced reservations about three kids several times, but in a wishy-washy way that I have found difficult to get to grips with, as he hasn't been able to give any real reasons other than "It's a lot of children Ally. I am worried that we won't be able to cope".

The articles and our chat clarified it for him and he was able to speak about it. And this concern I can understand and identify with.

So we started talking about our "support network". This was actually something that came up in the meeting with the Adoption Worker. She asked us to list the people we would include.

Last night we were discussing in more depth who we will be able to rely on to look after the children sometimes so that we can have that all-important time to maintain our own relationship.

We have been asking ourselves "If we ask people to babysit, will having three children make them less likely to help? Will our parents be able to cope with having three children to stay for a weekend occasionally?" And "Are we strong enough ourselves to do this?".

Do people think about these things in this depth when they decide to start a biological family?

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