Monday, 25 July 2005

oh, for goodness sake

Odd how you can be walking down the street, pootling nicely, everything going fine; and then you suddenly trip over a hat with a brick hidden underneath it and you just can't seem to pick yourself up again.

There must be a hat-brick/picking-yourself-up-again formula for this somewhere, but you'll have to Google for it yourself.

Everything was going along so well.

And then last Monday I had one of the old panic attack patterns, the kind that leave me feeling that I have to pack a bag and run for it.

Not good.

I got a grip, we had a couple of days off in Birmingham, I had a nice, relaxing reiki, situation returned to normal.

Friday night I had another one, bad enough for me to not be able to manage myself when Polish Lodger came home and bad enough for B to have to cancel his D&D night with only thirty minutes notice.

Yesterday we were supposed to be going to a christening. I couldn't make it out of the house.

Today I am supposed to be on a four-day First Aid At Work course with R.

Instead I am sitting here trying to ignore the fact that the phone is ringing, because I simply can't make myself pick it up and answer it.

I am frustrated.

I am sad.

I am angry.

On the larger scale of things, this is completely inconsequential. No cancer, no heart surgery, no-one bombed to death, no terrorists in the family.

On a personal scale it is totally incapacitating.

Tea, I think.

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