Sunday, 19 June 2005

definitely plodding

It's been a difficult few days. I have started to miss B really badly. A week I can cope with, but three weeks is too long. When he's away for a week, I thoroughly enjoy the first few days. I have long evenings in the bath or in front of the dvd player with a couple of glasses of wine and some junk food and two doting cats. Then at about Day Four I start to miss him and I'm ready for him to come home.

Three weeks messes my schedule up and I don't like it.

Because he's away working odd hours it's difficult for him to schedule time in for 'proper' phone calls and we end up having mutually unsatisfactory exchanges where he's actually focused on something else. I get upset, he gets upset that I'm upset and down we go in to one of those death-spiral not-quite-rows that leave you feeling like you want to phone back and have a 'proper' chat. Only you can't, because the same thing will happen again.

And to make matters worse, we've had a technical hitch with mobile phone tariffs and have just received a bill for £300 to cover the last fortnight.


When he went I formulated a plan to keep me active, keep me talking to people and get me out of the house, rather than letting myself become a bit disassociated and reclusive and depressed. It's tailing off a bit now and I've reached the point where I need a bit of a kick start. So this afternoon, Nina and Tom have very assertively taken me in hand - we are going to get some lunch, browse a few shops and watch a movie.

Then B and I have arranged to have a nice chat on the landline at his digs later this evening.

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