Tuesday, 24 May 2005

ways to stop a dinner party conversation

Odd how people have such a sanitised view of country living.

Things my in-laws think happen on Ma's farm that are entertaining:

  • things involving cute furry animals behaving in cute, furry ways
  • chicken stories (not involving cockerel execution)
  • stories about wresting vegetables from the land against all odds

Things I have made a mental note not to mention again, however much I am pressed for 'real stories':

  • how Des, Ma's helper, also works at the Duck Unit - Involved ambience-altering explanation of how the Duck Unit is not actually a place where ducks gambol around in the healthy outdoors, but a place where they are killed, gutted and beheaded, plucked and put in plastic wrapping ready for sale.
  • how Des brings bags of duck gizzards for Ma's dogs and how Ma doesn't like preparing them as dog-food, as this involves slicing them open, emptying them and then boiling them up - I rather absentmindedly forgot that some people were eating duck that particular evening.
  • any stories involving excrement, of any kind - Trust me, you'd rather not know.
  • humerous castration stories - Made all males around table squirm. May use in future, if pressed.

It's actually a relief to have defined some guidelines.

No comments:

Post a Comment