Thursday, 14 April 2005

top hat and tails

Tale told me by one of our mates whilst were were on holiday. Told to her by one of her mates, who was the woman in the story - names have been changed to protect the, err, innocent.

Sandra and her boyfriend, Shuffle, are in a club in a small town in southern England. They are both involed in animal liberation activism on the fringes of the law, him slightly more than her, which she finds a bit un-nerving.

As they are boogie-ing away on this night, his phone goes off, and she can hear their friend Eddie on the other end, frantically saying "Shuffle! Shuffle! I need your help man! Where are you?"

Shuffle says "I'm in a club man! Hold on ..." and goes somewhere quieter to take the call.

Sandra goes to the bar to get another drink, and then Shuffle comes up behind her and says "Can you go and open the back doors of the club and wait for Eddie, while I go out and meet him?"

She asks him what's happening, but he doesn't reply, so she duly goes off to open the back doors while he goes off in a different direction.

After waiting by the doors for a few minutes, wondering what is going on, two figures run down the ally towards her, one of them carrying something. She realises that it is Shuffle and Eddie. Eddie thrusts the bundle he is carrying in to her arms, panting, and runs on.

Shuffle pulls her back inside the corridor and closes the doors.

She looks down and sees that, wrapped in a coat, she seems to be holding a tophat.

It is rather heavy, and the reason for this is that it has a rabbit in it.

Apparently Eddie had been at some sort of function where there had been a magician. In the middle of the act, he had stood up from his seat in the audience, shouting (rather clichedly, I thought) "Hey, you! You're oppressing that rabbit!", jumped on to the the stage, swiped the rabbit in the middle of it's fifteen minutes of fame and legged it, pursued by the magician in cloak but sans tophat, the magician's mandatorily scantily clad assistant, and a small but enthusiastic part of the audience.

He'd evaded them all by dodging down a back alley and made his phone call to Shuffle, who had now taken responsibility for the poor rabbit.

Sandra smuggled it out of the club under her coat without any trouble - I suppose on the grounds that no-one would think that anyone would ever be taking a rabbit out of a nightclub, and anyway, they only ever search you on the way in. And the next day they took it to an animal sanctuary, where it was re-housed with a large lady rabbit named 'Butch'.

Our sympathies were definitely with the rabbit, who must have been really confused - someone with us commented that it would make a fantastic film short, shot from his perspective.

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