Tuesday, 12 October 2004

a nice relaxing massage

I had four phone calls yesterday asking if we were a massage parlour. It seems possible that today, somewhere, someone is contacting their printers and complaining that they've got the phone number on their cards wrong. One chap took quite a lot of convincing that we were actually an office. Due to my slight paranoia I didn't want to say that we were also a private home.

When I lived in Wales, I was in the Yellow Pages under 'Complementary Therapists' - there was no section for 'Reiki' or 'Spiritual Healing', so I got quite a few wildly off the wall calls. The weirdest went like this:

Me: Hullo, Ally speaking.

Caller: (slighly tentative) Hullo. Do you do massage?

Me: (very professional, I can already see a number of ways this might go) No, sorry. I do energy work, reiki and spiritual healing. I can give you a number for a colleague of mine who does do aromatherapy and swedish massage though, if that's what you are looking for.

Caller: Oh. Only I am looking for someone who will iron me through a wet sheet.

Me: (tries not to laugh)

Caller: I used to visit a lady in Cwmbran who did it for me, but she's moved away.

Me: (still trying not to laugh)

Caller: Is that the sort of thing you'd be prepared to do?

Me: (successful in not laughing. professional voice back on again) No, I'm afraid it's not. I work OFF the body, in the energy field.

Caller: Do you know anyone who would?

Me: No, I don't think so.

Caller: Ok, thank you anyway.

Me: No problem. Thank you for calling. (hangs up phone and sits on floor giggling to self for ten minutes)

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